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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27565240">of false pretenses</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fishscalesky/pseuds/fishscalesky'>fishscalesky</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Dumbledore is kind of useless, Eventual Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Fake Dating, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Getting Together, Hogwarts, I am soft for pet names, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Minor Anxiety, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Pet Names, Pining, Pranking, marauders playing pranks, of course there’s pining, sirius melts at pet names, talking it out, what kind of fic would this be if they didn’t</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-08 22:21:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>18,831</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27565240</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fishscalesky/pseuds/fishscalesky</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus needs help— and Sirius’s solution (dumb and oh-so-Sirius) is the closest thing he can get to it. Why not, after all?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>282</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A solution is introduced, Remus is tickled into submission, and rules are made.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>without further ado, pining, miscommunication, fluff. *sighs*</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus made his way into the dorm and threw himself face first onto the nearest unmade bed, recognizing Sirius’s scent among the covers. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">He’d just escaped an arduous (and frankly exhausting) conversation with a fellow Gryffindor boy in which he’d turned down another date to Hogsmeade that weekend, been criticized for his socks, then complimented on his hair of all things. And </span> <span class="s2">then, </span> <span class="s1">he’d been made very aware of the boy’s stance on werewolves. He’d stood for a heart-stopping three minutes while Adam had lectured him, and as a result he wasn’t in a great headspace at the moment. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Adam shared the stance of most of the wizarding world. Werewolves were vile, vicious, dangerous, dark creatures. <em>Mangy mutts</em> were his choice words. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Remus was mentally exhausted from battling his own self-loathing once he’d extracted himself, and he was </span> <span class="s2">not </span> <span class="s1">in the mood to explain why he didn’t want to date Adam <em>to</em> Adam. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Moony? You in h— oh.” Sirius’s footsteps stopped at the foot of his bed. He gently poked Remus’s ankle. “Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mmf.” Remus groaned into the pillow, his limbs leaden weights. He felt too heavy to move. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius settled next to him with a grunt, the mattress shifting and dipping. Remus wriggled away to keep from sliding into Sirius’s side. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Want to tell me?”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Remus released another deep groan into Sirius’s pillow. It smelled like eucalyptus. “I’ve just had to fight off Adam,” he said, voice muffled. “<em>Again</em></span><span class="s2">. </span> <span class="s1">For the third time this week and it’s only Tuesday.”</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius was silent, his muscles tensing against Remus’s back. When he spoke, it was darkly. “Oh. <em>Him.”</em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Him,” Remus agreed tiredly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He keeps...” Sirius started carefully. “Asking you out?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It sounded ridiculous when Sirius said it. “Really, really insistently, and he’s so full of himself. Fucking...” Remus sighed heavily.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What does he want?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Me to date him?” Remus loosed a low sound of frustration. “I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Would he leave you alone if you had a boyfriend?” Sirius propped his head up with one arm. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus turned, enough to see Sirius out of the corner of his eye. “I mean yes, probably. But I don’t want to date someone just for that and no one wants to date me expect him, apparently, and that’s the hellest no you’ve ever seen.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius gave a small, sure smile before it was cleared from his face by hesitancy. He gave Remus a tentative smile, a far cry from his usual self-assured cockiness. “I could.”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Remus snapped his head up, flipping over to fix Sirius with his gaze. Sirius met him steadily and shrugged like </span> <span class="s2"><em>no big deal</em>. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus couldn’t control the volume of his voice. “What?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’re both gay so it’s plausible,” Sirius reasoned, sounding far more sure of himself than Remus would have expected, seeing as he’d just suggested they<em> date. </em>Fakely. But still date.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Those aren’t grounds for a fucking relationship,” Remus huffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wasn’t finished!” Sirius spread his arms wildly, then calmed down. He ticked off the points on his fingers. “One. Mutual homosexuality.”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“<em>Padfoot</em></span><span class="s2">,” </span> <span class="s1">Remus groaned. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Shut it, Moons, let me finish my argument.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“While I perfect my counterargument, good idea,” Remus returned snippily. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Sirius just frowned at him, one smooth black eyebrow higher than the other. Fuck him and his <em>Looks</em></span><span class="s2">. </span> <span class="s1">“One. Gay. Two. We’re already close, you even sleep in my bed sometimes.” He smirked, adding a particularly suggestive wink. </span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“Oh my god, fuck off, fuck off,” Remus mumbled, picking up Sirius’s pillow and promptly burying his face in it. He got a nose full of Sirius’s scent, which he should have seen coming, but now he had Sirius’s intoxicating smell coloring his confusion with the bright reminder </span> <em><span class="s2">you’re in love with this guy! You’re in love with this guy!</span></em></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus was so fucked it wasn’t even funny. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius laughed, kicking out to knock Remus’s foot off the bed. “Look, only for two or so weeks. Just to get him off your back. Send the message home that you really aren’t interested.”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“Well, yeah, in theory, but,” Remus waved ineffectually at Sirius, “You’re </span> <span class="s2">you.”</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So?” Sirius cocked a brow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus groaned again. “No one’s going to believe you’re dating me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius frowned. “Well, they’ll have to, won’t they? Seeing as proof’s right in front of them.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I haven’t agreed yet,” Remus said under his breath, but he knew very well that he would. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And anyway,” Sirius said dismissively, “They don’t matter, so long as <em>Adam</em> gets the picture.” His lip curled at Adam’s name. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“You’re so </span> <span class="s2">good,” </span> <span class="s1">Remus sighed. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s me,” Sirius rolled his eyes, “Fake dating my best friend out of the pure goodness of my heart.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Would you fake date James?” Remus asked curiously and was taken aback by how quickly Sirius’s face screwed up in disgust. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“Fuck no,” he proclaimed. “Prongs is my </span> <span class="s2">brother.”</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And I’m your best friend,” Remus meant to think it, but Sirius was nodding. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course you are.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And Pete?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“God, you sound like a twelve year old.” Sirius wrinkled his nose and put on an aggressively high voice. “‘Oh Sirius, who do you like best?’”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Remus played along. “Sirius, who <em>do</em></span> <span class="s1">you like best?”</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius smiled winningly, dropping the charade. “Why, dearest Moony, it’s you, of course.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus stopped laughing, his eyes drawn to where he was playing with a loose thread on Sirius’s burgundy bedspread. “This whole thing is ridiculous. It’ll be so obvious.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It won’t,” Sirius argued, his own smile fading. “I can be a great boyfriend, just you wait and see.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus felt like he was going to fly apart with longing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Presumptuous,” he commented instead. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mm,” Sirius said noncommittally. “Guess you’ll just have to find out for yourself.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Tease.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Prude.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Vixen.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fox.” Sirius made a coarse hand gesture that sent them both into stitches. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“You </span> <span class="s2">mongrel,” </span> <span class="s1">Remus choked out between gasping breaths. “I can’t believe you.”</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Believe it.” Sirius waggled his eyebrows. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Merlin,” Remus snorted and burst into another fit of giggles, only made worse by Sirius’s increasingly outrageous facial expressions. “<em>Stop</em></span>
  <span class="s1">—” he batted weakly at Sirius. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Never!” Sirius cried, launching himself on top of Remus and finding the sensitive skin just above his hips to tickle, sending him into further hysterics.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Bastard!” Remus shrieked. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“You’re too kind,” Sirius panted, worming his fingers under Remus’s jumper. His skin was </span> <span class="s2">cold </span> <span class="s1">against Remus’s warmth and Remus jerked at the touch, shaking uncontrollably with laughter and squirming away from his grasp at the same time. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Son of a bitch,” he got out, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes. He grabbed Sirius’s wrist, fighting the movement of his fingers. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Sirius smirked, doubling down on his relentless attack, shivering with mirth. “I agree </span> <span class="s2">wholeheartedly,</span><span class="s1">” he said loftily. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus was done for. </span>
</p><p class="p2">—</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“All right.” Remus smoothed his hair, shooting Sirius a reproachful look when it obeyed precisely none of his attempts to flatten it down. “After that ruthless, one-sided cheat of a battle—”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Aw, did ickle Moonykins get tickled into submission?” Sirius put in with faux sympathy.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus flipped him off before continuing, settling down against Sirius’s bed, armed with a self-inking quill and parchment to write down suitable fake-relationship guidelines.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ve been told,” he scowled, showing how little of this he believed, “That while under siege, I agreed to this harebrained scheme of Sirius’s.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That you did,” Sirius said airily, reclining back on his elbows. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus swatted his foot away from his face. “Lies and slander.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I was a witness.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Your word is invalid!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well fuck you then!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’re getting nothing done!” Remus flung the quill at Sirius’s head, an action that was closely followed by Sirius hurling back a book he’d seized from Remus’s pillow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus caught it deftly, shooting a challenging smirk at a suddenly agape Sirius. Sirius swallowed.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’ve gone too far,” Remus threatened, hiding a pleased smile. It was rare he caught Sirius off guard and even rarer he got to see this type of look on his friend’s face. Remus protectively tucked the book close to his side. “I’ll get you back for that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m terrified,” Sirius said dryly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Would you like to find your eyeliner <em>Reducto’</em></span>
  <span class="s1">d?” Remus asked sweetly. “That’s what I thought. Right, pass me my quill, I need it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“Should’ve thought of that before flinging it at me,” Sirius grumbled pointedly and spun his wand. “<em>Accio</em></span> <span class="s1">quill.”</span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Remus clicked his tongue as he accepted it, shaking his hand out before setting pen to paper and penning </span> <span class="s2">rules.</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So,” he started, absentmindedly tapping the end of the feather against his cheek. “Ideas?”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“This is <em>your</em></span> <span class="s1">fake relationship.” Sirius lounged on Remus’s bed. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You suggested it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I rescind all authority, it’s up to you.” Sirius threw his head back, stretching luxuriously. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Remus sighed. “Participate. To start, no kissing, </span> <span class="s2">no</span> <span class="s1"> sex jokes.”</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Moony!” Sirius rocketed up like he’d been electrically shocked. “Dirty jokes are my lifeblood!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sure you’ll find something else to satiate your need to be embarrassing,” Remus said wryly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius moaned theatrically. “The fun you are is none, Moony.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus snorted. He tapped his teeth with a fingernail, thinking. “What else?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’ve covered it all.”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“I have </span> <span class="s2">not.” </span> <span class="s1">Now that Remus had gotten accustomed to the idea, it felt a little like a prank. That was what it was, wasn’t it? They were planning a prank. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are we going to tell Prongs and Wormy?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course.” Remus jotted that down. “We’d never keep up the charade. And anyway, maybe they can help.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius grumbled something under his breath.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He sat back for the rest of the hour, letting Remus fling ideas about, occasionally murmuring assent or disagreement. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Right,” Remus said, clearing his throat and projecting his voice until Sirius nodded to show he was listening. “Here’s what I’ve got. No actual kissing.” He paused to let Sirius place that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mm-hmm,” Sirius said tersely. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hand-holding is fine for appearances.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Okay.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Forehead kissing if in public.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good.” Sirius lifted his hands, playing with a lock of hair, brushing it over the pads of his fingertips. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus nodded briskly. “Right, yeah. Forehead and cheek kissing sparingly.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius looked increasingly dispirited, but he made another noise of acknowledgement in the back of his throat. Was he having second thoughts? Remus dismissed that— if Sirius was getting cold feet, he would say so.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus’s own heart was beating like an out-of-control jackrabbit in his chest at the thought of dating Sirius, pretense or no. He cleared his throat again. “Pads? Pet names?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can’t you just call me Padfoot?” Sirius rolled over, meeting Remus’s gaze for the first time in at least half an hour. His grey eyes were dimmer than usual.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s a nickname, everyone knows them.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I would call you baby, but I don’t know if you like that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“I am </span> <span class="s2">right here,” </span> <span class="s1">Remus pointed out patiently. “Ask me.”</span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“Fine... <em>baby</em></span> <span class="s1">.” Sirius slowly grinned as a pink flush washed over Remus’s cheeks. “Oh Merlin, you do like it. Baby, that’s amazing.”</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh go to hell,” Remus mumbled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius laughed, looking brighter than he had in an hour. “If you come with me, love.”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Remus turned redder. Why the </span> <span class="s2">fuck </span> <span class="s1">was that so attractive? It was like every single dream, every fantasy he'd ever had was coming to life. Just from Sirius calling him <em>love. </em>He was a fucking mess. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Darling?” Sirius tried.</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Remus buried his face in his hands. “Alright, alright, </span> <span class="s2">fine, </span> <span class="s1">point taken. Pet names are yes.”</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius beamed, looking exceptionally pleased with himself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus aimed the quill at his best friend. “Do you like it when I do it, love? Could I call you sweetheart? Babe? Is that all right with you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius’s eyes widened and his mouth opened, but no sound came out. He swallowed, hard, Adam’s apple bobbing in his pale throat. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus smirked. “That’s a yes then?”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s2">“Yes,” </span> <span class="s1">Sirius ground out. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus smiled to himself, biting his lip and looking back down at their parchment of ‘rules’. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’ll stage a breakup in maybe two weeks, whenever seems right,” Remus said, businesslike, looking back up at Sirius. “That good with you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Again, Sirius seemed to bite off the tail of his words, but this time with a considerably different emotion. “Works for me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’ll tell James and Peter when they get back.” Remus neatly folded up the paper and stuck it in his discarded robes before stepping over to his bed and lying next to Sirius. He settled into the bedcovers, tilting his head up to find Sirius’s gaze already trained on his. The air between them pulled and went taut, like a rubber band about to snap. Remus was fearful to breathe lest he break it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you for doing this,” he said quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius’s eyes were mercurial. “Of course,” he replied, just as softly. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you liked the first chapter! let it be said I'm clueless as to how long this will be, but fear not; I know the plot. love, m &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>an interlude-</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm sorry this took So Long, but here we are!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">James was hardly in the door, Peter hot on his heels, when Sirius spoke.</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Moony’s my boyfriend,” Sirius said promptly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fake boyfriend,” Remus corrected quickly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius shot him an unreadable look, but he nodded in assent. “What Moony said.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Peter side-eyed James, a crumb stuck to the corner of his mouth. They must have come from the kitchens. “Um...”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Come again?” James asked delicately. He tilted his head to the side, light flashing off his glasses. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Moony,” Sirius said slowly. “Is. My fake boyfriend. We’re fake dating.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">James rubbed his forehead. “Did I even <em>hear</em> that right?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius looked equal parts amused and frustrated. “Would you like me to spell it out for you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes,” piped Peter. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">James cut Remus off before he could elaborate. “I don’t need more. I think it’s a dumb idea.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes, thank you, Jamie,” Sirius said tightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">James folded his arms, glaring at Sirius and Remus. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus sighed sharply. “We’ve barely told you anything. Just listen.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">James muttered under his breath, but he inclined his head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Moony’s being harassed by a bloke named Adam,” Sirius said readily, and to Remus’s eternal surprise, warm fingers found their way into his own. Sirius linked their hands before continuing. “I offered to be his fake boyfriend for a few weeks to get Adam off his back. It’s really quite simple.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">James stared between the two of them and then down to where Remus’s fingers were twined with Sirius’s. Now that Remus’s attention was on it, he didn’t know why Sirius had done so. There was no reason to keep up pretenses with James and Peter. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Still, he was grateful for the support. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you serious?” James demanded. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“Oh, don’t you know,” Sirius started. “I’m </span> <span class="s2"><em>always</em>— </span> <span class="s1">mmph!”</span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Remus clapped a hand over his mouth before he could finish. “We know, Padfoot, </span> <span class="s2"><em>really</em>, </span> <span class="s1">we know.”</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">James sat down heavily. “It’s ridiculous. You’re pretending to be in love with each other!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Love?” Remus spluttered. “Who said anything about love? We’re just pretending to date.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What—” Sirius stammered, shifting a little. He nodded resolutely. “What he said.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“This is ridiculous.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So you’ve said, Prongs.” Remus sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius groaned. “He needed help and this was the only way to really get that git off his back.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Tell him you’re not interested!” James’s eyes were wide and incredulous behind his glasses. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I have!” Remus was beginning to lose patience. “And it didn’t work no matter how often or firmly I did!”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“If it was that easy,” Sirius said strongly, “He wouldn’t be doing </span> <span class="s2">this.”</span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">It was utterly unreasonable, Remus told himself firmly, for his heart to sink at those words and the stress Sirius put on </span> <span class="s2">this. </span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">It was all just for show, a friend helping another friend out, that was excruciatingly clear from the beginning. He would not read </span> <span class="s2">anything </span> <span class="s1">into it if it killed him with longing. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Not a second. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remembering he should respond, Remus coughed. “Um, yeah, he’s right. It’s not that simple.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What even is fake dating?” Peter asked curiously. “What will you do?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus, taking pity on Peter’s obvious confusion, shrugged. “We hold hands and call each other pet names and say we’re dating. That’s about it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius nodded along. “We date. Except it’s fake.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Peter frowned. “Do you have to kiss though? What if people think it’s weird you don’t?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was an awkward silence. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Told you it was dumb,” came James’s self-satisfied voice. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius suppressed a sigh. “We don’t have to kiss. We can just say Moony’s shy of kissing in public. And in private we don’t have to.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good idea,” Remus commented. Sirius smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Peter yawned. He seemed to be coming around the idea, at least, or he was just too tired to care. “What about when you’ve got to break up?” He put ‘break up’ in air quotes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius answered. “We can just say we broke it off because it wasn’t working and we didn’t want to ruin our friendship.”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Remus tried very hard to pretend Sirius’s matter-of-fact words and tone didn’t punch him right in the gut and nodded. </span> <em> <span class="s2">You’re being a bloody hypocrite, you’re the one that came up with this! </span> </em> <span class="s1">he angrily told himself. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">James looked at Remus suspiciously. “Seems like you’ve put a lot of thought into this.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius shrugged openly. “Of course we have. I'm not just going to fake date like an amateur.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mhm.” Remus felt a shiver of apprehension. James was staring at them speculatively, clearly ticking things over his mind. What conclusion would he reach?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus let go of Sirius’s hand, immediately missing the steady pressure, and went over to his bed. “Anyway, we just didn’t want to lie to you guys, so we let you know.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Wow, thanks.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Paragons of virtue, you are,” Peter told them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Moving on, we’re not going to shove it in Adam’s face,” Remus continued firmly, with a meaningful look towards Sirius, who smiled innocently, “We’ll just, you know, exist. Hopefully it’ll work.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If not?” James asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We hex him!” Sirius grinned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus pressed his lips together to hide a smile. “Don’t look so excited, Padfoot.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius stuck out his tongue, but quickly retracted it when Remus flicked it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Peter planted his face in his hands. “Merlin’s beard they’re practically a couple already.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Pete you bloody lunatic, that’s the point,” Sirius grinned and threw an arm across Remus’s thin shoulders. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus pinched the bridge of his nose, leaning ever so slightly into Sirius’s warmth. “God help us. Right. Pads, ready for the grand entrance?”</span>
</p><p>—</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Their entrance was neither grand nor nearly as attention-grabbing as Sirius had made it clear he wanted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2"><em>No, Padfoot, no declarations of matrimony— the fuck, we’re not married?!</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus and Sirius headed to the library as Remus often did, surreptitiously holding hands. Remus carried a stack of books and Sirius was balancing his quill on his fingertip. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s2"><em>Boyfriend duties,</em> </span> <span class="s1">Remus had teased when Sirius begged not to go with him to study. He’d feigned regret, as if he wasn't thrilled to 'study' with Sirius. </span><em> <span class="s2">Sorry, you don’t have a choice. Got to come with me for this.</span></em></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">James had looked far too pleased with Sirius’s mutinous muttering. But Remus had not missed— nor had his heart declined to flutter when he noticed— Sirius slipping a bar of Honeyduke’s chocolate, Remus’s go-to study snack, into his pocket before they left the dorm. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They’d made it all the way to the hallway just before the library when Adam appeared out of nowhere, startling Remus and making him grip Sirius’s hand reflexively. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Adam grinned as if he hadn’t been pissing on Remus’s entire existence only a few hours ago. “Hey Remus.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hm.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Adam looked pointedly at the books he was holding, two for Transfiguration and one for Astronomy. “Need any help studying? I’m an old hand at astronomy.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, thank you,” Remus said tightly, inching a little closer to Sirius. Sirius’s eyebrows raised, and Remus knew he was being too obvious about how damn much this piece of shit affected him, but he couldn’t help it. Adam brought back every vitriolic thought about himself Remus had ever had, and perpetuated Remus’s disgust of his own lycanthropy. “Padfoot’s got me covered.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s a weird name,” Adam snarked. “Suppose it fits your whole blood traitor Black persona, at least.”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Sirius’s palm was sweaty in Remus’s, but he just said sweetly, “As his boyfriend, </span> <span class="s2"><em>Adam</em>, </span> <span class="s1">I’d like to ask you to fuck off now.”</span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Adam’s smile dropped. </span> <span class="s2">“Boyfriend?”</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not that it’s any of your business,” Sirius’s voice dripped with pureblood haughtiness, “But yes.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uh huh,” Adam said slowly, scrutinizing Remus, then giving Sirius a once-over. “Right. I’m meant to believe that?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t see how there’s anything to disbelieve,” Sirius said dismissively. Remus would have felt guilty for leaving Sirius to do all the talking if he wasn’t taking a quiet sort of satisfaction from watching Adam’s slick smile fall with every word Sirius said. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You,” Adam scoffed. “Dating him. Don’t see it, mate.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What, think I don’t deserve him then?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus sucked in a breath through his teeth. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Adam sneered down at Sirius from a grand height of two inches taller. Remus could comfortably rest his chin on Sirius’s head, but Adam was that height where he was too tall for that but too short for the other way around. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius’s height was perfect, though Remus may be a little biased. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s exactly what I think. Remus deserves someone—”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’re done here,” Remus broke in firmly, wrapping an arm around Sirius’s waist. Sirius inhaled sharply. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Adam gave Sirius another once-over. His eyes shifted to Remus, and he gave a lazy smile. “See you around, Remus.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Somehow I hate him twenty times more and I didn’t think that was possible,” Sirius seethed. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s2"><em>Imagine if you knew what he thought about werewolves, </em></span> <span class="s1">Remus thought. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He glanced around nervously. “Can we just go to the library?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius nodded, his eyes soft with concern. “I didn’t realize he was so awful to you,” he said gently. “I’m sorry. I should have been there.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You can’t fight all my battles for me, Pads,” Remus said with a little laugh.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t, not even close.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus’s nervous laughter died in his throat. He let go of Sirius’s hand and pretended he didn’t notice the taken-aback look on Sirius’s face. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><em><span class="s2">It’s easier to let go than endure the pain of holding on, </span></em> <span class="s1">Remus told himself. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Damn it,” he whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you alright?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fine. Can we go to the library?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The library was moderately crowded. It was ugly weather, and so most students with work to be done squirreled away, like Remus and Sirius. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus seized Sirius’s hand and dragged him to a corner table by the window. He could already feel himself relaxing, tension draining away. Sirius could tease him as much as he liked (the wanker) but the library was his safe space. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Moony,” Sirius groaned. “Do we have to actually... you know.... do work?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus stuck his extra quill behind his ear. “What do you suppose we do instead, Pads?”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Sirius leaned close, until his warm breath brushed the skin underneath Remus’s ear. “Oh, I don’t know, </span> <span class="s2">darling,” </span> <span class="s1">he purred. “Boyfriend things.”</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus shivered and shoved him away before he could melt into Sirius’s words. <em>“Padfoot.”</em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’re not actually...” Remus stared at the words on the page, absorbing none of the letters. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know,” Sirius grinned, unperturbed. “But it’s so fun to make you blush.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I hate you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">In Remus’s mind, he swapped out </span> <em><span class="s2">hate </span></em> <span class="s1">for </span> <em><span class="s2">love </span></em> <span class="s1">and pretended for one second he had to bravery to say it.</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Instead Sirius hit him with a book and returned the sentiment. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s2"><em>If the word was different,</em> </span> <span class="s1">Remus implored silently. </span> <span class="s2"><em>Please.</em></span></p><p>—</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The very next morning found Remus saying the exact same thing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This time, he was standing at the foot of his bed, glaring at Sirius while his friend draped him in scarves, clearly enjoying every second of it. “I hate you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Darling,” Sirius said, doing a double take and pouting. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“This is unnecessary.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Which part?” Sirius’s nimble fingers looped his own Gryffindor scarf around Remus’s neck, adjusting, spending far more time than was needed on the simple action. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You putting my scarves on for me, to start,” Remus glowered. “I’m entirely capable.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Boyfriends of Sirius Black don’t lift a finger,” Sirius said, unperturbed by Remus’s prickliness. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“I should have </span> <span class="s2">known </span> <span class="s1">you’d go too far with this.”</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If it’s too much then tell me to stop,” Sirius hummed, patting Remus’s head and giving him a self-satisfied smile. “But for now I’m having too much fun to reign it in.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>
    <span class="s2">Please don’t stop. </span>
  </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I suppose I’ll suffer it.” Remus said nonchalantly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius smacked a hand to his own chest, widening his eyes to look hurt. “You really know how to beat a guy’s ego. With a stick.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why don’t you apply your eloquence and creativity to schoolwork, I wonder?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because it’s boring,” Sirius replied immediately. He stepped away, surveying Remus. He nodded happily. “Excellent. I approve.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You fucking did it all.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Bold of you to assume I’d be happy with it just for that,” Sirius shot back. Remus shrugged, conceding.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">As if detached from his thoughts, eyes a sort of tranquil calm, Sirius lifted a hand to tuck a stray curl behind Remus’s ear. His fingers were warm on the shell of Remus’s ear and even warmer when he brushed over Remus’s neck on the way down. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Remus sucked in a breath, warily regarding Sirius with wide eyes. If Sirius kept slipping and doing things like </span> <span class="s2">this, </span> <span class="s1">Remus would start aching and wishing and reading into it, and he didn’t </span> <span class="s2">want </span> <span class="s1">to go down that dark path of crushed dreams and lost hopes </span> <span class="s2">again. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius stepped away, forcing cheer into his voice. “Right, that’s done then.”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Remus took a steadying breath. He was going to act normal— fuck it, he </span> <span class="s2">would. </span> <span class="s1">“Where are we going again?”</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hogsmeade date,” Sirius replied easily. “A visit, only we’re going to act like it’s a date.”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">It was the weekend and neither James nor Peter were free, so Sirius, naturally, jumped on the chance. </span> <span class="s2">As if there’s a couple who doesn’t go on dates in Hogsmeade, </span> <span class="s1">he’d proclaimed knowledgeably. </span> <span class="s2">It’ll take this whole thing leaps and bounds, you know. </span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Remus had winced, remembering his singular past (failed) relationship in the beginning of fourth year. </span> <em><span class="s2">Thomas was the exception, I think? </span></em> <span class="s1">He suggested wryly. Sirius’s shiver was pronounced. </span> <em><span class="s2">Eugh, Thomas. </span></em></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">They kept regular distance between them on the way out of the portrait hole, but once in sight of other students, Remus reached out to grab Sirius’s hand. Because of appearances, he told himself, </span> <span class="s2">not </span> <span class="s1">because every moment he went without Sirius’s warm, assured fingers twined with his, he missed them.</span></p><p>—</p><p class="p1">
  <em>
    <span class="s2">A catalogue of Remus Lupin’s very first Hogsmeade date (with Sirius Black) as told by Remus Lupin </span>
  </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius was so perfect it felt like a hot pain needling his heart. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">How he could take Remus on a honest-to-god date and </span> <span class="s2">still</span> <span class="s1"> walk the fine line of friends messing about was really a talent. It was a fine line between love and hate, and an even finer line between friends and whatever the </span> <span class="s2">hell </span> <span class="s1">Remus and Sirius had become. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus spent half the day staring covertly at Sirius’s lips and torturing himself wondering what they tasted like, and the other half holding Sirius’s hand, thanking him fervently for existing (which Sirius laughed off, but Remus saw the pleased flush high on his cheeks). </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You are a wonder,” Remus sighed, chocolate on his tongue and Sirius’s head on his shoulder. He’d never been more grateful for the curious eyes around them, because they meant Sirius played up their ‘relationship’, and Remus was just fine with the extra touching. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Every once in a while he wondered if he wasn’t a terrible person for this, taking so much guilty pleasure in being close to Sirius, but he pushed those fears to the back of his mind. He could ruminate and subsequently panic over them </span> <span class="s2">later. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’d return that if you’d agreed to braid my hair this morning, Moony,” Sirius sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I would’ve,” Remus answered, letting his eyes drift shut, “But I was so tired I’m sure if I tried I’d knot it into a great mess, and you’d hate me forever.”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Sirius hummed. “Imagine that even if you did </span> <span class="s2">that, </span> <span class="s1">I wouldn’t.”</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus kept his eyes closed and fought not to react even minutely. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He’d been doing a lot of that over Sirius’s flirty touches and <em>Merlin forbid</em> winks. Even more over every passing moment that he sunk deeper into their blissful charade. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Another worry for another time. Maybe when the dorm was empty, or it was night. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We should be getting back.” Sirius sounded drowsy. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We should,” Remus agreed. “Hey, Sirius?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hm?” Sirius stirred. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you for this. I’d offer to give you your next haircut but I think I’d need Felix Felicis not to fail disastrously.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Offer accepted. Felix Felicis or no.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus found Sirius’s hand, his slender fingers chilled, and knotted them together. “S’pose I better start brewing.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If you like.” Sirius’s voice was happy and faint. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Really, Remus thought, why couldn’t they have this forever?</span>
</p><p class="p1"> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Remus knows a very useful charm, and hey, Sirius was asking for it.</p><p>(He really was.)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The next day, Sirius woke Remus by leaping onto his bed, singing loudly at the top of his lungs. “Rise and shiiiiiiiiiine, Moony dearest!”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“Fucking fuck the <em>fuck</em></span> <span class="s1">off,” Remus swore colorfully, yanking his duvet over his head and burrowing into his pillow. “Or I’ll fucking murder you <em>twice.”</em></span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Moony, you’re adorable,” Sirius sighed, unshakable as always. There was the sound of him yanking Remus’s bedcurtains open, and a bewildered ‘whozzat?’ that sounded like Peter.</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“Say that to my face, you piece of </span><span class="s2">shit,</span> <span class="s1">” Remus mumbled. He curled into a ball, unwilling to face the day now or ever. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I mean, I would, if you weren’t <em>hiding</em> under a mound of blankets,” </span>
  <span class="s1">Sirius singsonged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I hate you so much,” Remus carried on blithely. “So, so much. You <em>will</em> go to hell for waking me up.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius swooned in response. “You’re <em>so </em>sweet, my poor little heart can’t take it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">James’s heavy sigh filtered through Remus’s blankets. He guessed Sirius had been up for a while, and by the sounds of it, driving James spare for just as long. “Sirius, please shut up.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Jealous.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of what?”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“Mine and Moony’s undying</span> <span class="s2"> love, </span> <span class="s1">of course.” A heavy body draped itself over Remus and Sirius giggled, his mouth by Remus’s face. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So undying,” James remarked dryly. “He’s just professed his profound hatred for you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s how Moonykins shows his love,” Sirius said loudly, right in the vicinity of Remus’s ear.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus lashed out with one covered hand and whacked Sirius on the side. Sirius gave a pained <em>oof.</em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The hell, Moony?” Sirius sounded shocked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I will hurt you,” Remus said fiercely. “If you keep talking.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius’s weight disappeared, thankfully, and Remus let himself relax for one split second before the covers were forcibly yanked off him, morning rushing in to claim him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus made a sound halfway between a shout and a yelp and grabbed for Sirius, wrapping his arms around his friend’s waist. Sirius let out a surprised squeak of his own as they crashed to the ground. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fucking hell, Moony!” Sirius managed between puffs of air. Remus held him to the floor, a knee on his chest and a challenging uptilt to one eyebrow. “Who knew you were so strong?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll give you a hint,” Remus gritted, But he wasn’t really mad. Sirius’s grey eyes glittered. “It starts with ‘were’ and ends with ‘wolf’.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not that I’m complaining,” Sirius explained. “But I don’t think I did anything to deserve being slowly crushed beneath only my dearest Moonpie.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You woke me up.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">“So?” Sirius taunted. "You were sleeping in."</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Shall I spell it out for you?” Remus asked sweetly, observing Sirius splayed out beneath him, entirely at his mercy, <em>not </em>in control for once. He rather liked this scene. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If you want to,” Sirius replied, that mischievous slanted smile appearing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus’s heart skipped a beat. “I could, but where’s the fun in that?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Where’s the fun in anything else?” Sirius lobbed back, his chest rising and falling slightly beneath Remus’s knee. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re so infuriating,” Remus groaned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Go on,” Sirius taunted. “Make me say sorry. Unless you’re afraid to.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus bent down, until he could feel Sirius’s slight exhale brushing his lips. Sirius’s eyelashes fluttered. Remus knew what he was doing, challenging Sirius to a game like this, but he couldn’t resist, not with his friend so archly smiling, so faintly breathing, hovering on the edge of dangerous anticipation. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Afraid of what?” Remus breathed, not even a whisper. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He moved off of Sirius, leaving the boy flat on his back and breathing hard. Sirius loosed a heavy, frustrated breath. “Godric, <em>Moony.”</em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“Padfoot.”</em>
</p><p class="p2">—</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He’d fucked himself— really, he had. To make up for his flash of (exhilarating) weakness in the dorm, Sirius had bounced back with vitality and a new, burning determination to absolutely ruin Remus. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">First it was small. Remus might not have noticed if not for the way Sirius’s eyes </span> <span class="s2">glittered </span> <span class="s1">watching Remus react to his lingering touches or whispered words, the words designed for the sole purpose of flustering him. </span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“Darling,” Sirius murmured, his breath fluttering the fine hairs at the nape of Remus’s neck, his fingers curling in the curls there, “I could watch your fingers move all </span> <span class="s2">day.”</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re easier than I thought,” Remus shot back, biting down hard on his lower lip to keep a low whine from escaping. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">It was as infuriating as it was funny. Sirius liked being in control, but every ounce of Remus’s own self control was going towards </span> <span class="s2">not </span> <span class="s1">ripping that smug self-assuredness right out of his friend’s hands and showing him— well. Showing him. </span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Remus said as much, lowly, the imprint of his words barely pressed into his exhale, but Sirius caught the tail end of it nevertheless and swallowed </span> <span class="s2">hard. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">After that, he redoubled his efforts. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius touched Remus’s hands, wrists, even his bloody neck, every chance he got. He could of course get away with higher levels of touchiness given that they were ‘dating’, but when Sirius was let off with his third stern warning from McGonagall, Remus gritted his teeth. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">He couldn’t win in this game, not now, he </span> <span class="s2">couldn’t. </span> <span class="s1">And Sirius knew it, the fucking bastard, and he was playing up his advantage. Remus could see it in the challenging-brightness of Sirius’s sharp grin out the corner of his eye. He could sense it in the calculated brush of pinky fingers and how Sirius’s lips brushed Remus’s ear when he put his mouth close to whisper something empty and meaningless for the </span> <span class="s2">fifth </span> <span class="s1">time that lesson—</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Fuck. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He had to do something. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus wasn’t particularly proud of his decision (it was made under duress, anyway, wasn’t it?) but he hadn’t taken a single note all lesson. And neither had Sirius, too focused on riling Remus up. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">When Sirius’s attention was momentarily pulled away, Remus concentrated, letting the charm he’d memorized last year to use on Snape materialize in his mind. Then— forcing his thoughts away from what he was </span> <span class="s2">doing, </span> <span class="s1">to a <em>teacher</em></span><span class="s2">— </span> <span class="s1">Remus flicked his wand and muttered the incantation under his breath. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It worked slowly, as was the nature of the charm, to give the perpetrators time to make haste in the opposite direction. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">But Remus didn’t have to wait long for Professor McGonagall’s silver-streaked brown hair to spark and ever-so-slightly begin to fade to bubblegum pink. Against the backdrop of surprised titters from the class, the color fully set in, transforming to a </span> <span class="s2">truly </span> <span class="s1">magnificent fuchsia. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Next to Remus, who was breathing very lightly, Sirius went still. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“Oh, </span> <span class="s2">Merlin, </span> <span class="s1">that’s brilliant,” he whispered. Remus preened. “Who do you think did it, Moony?”</span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“<em>Mr.</em></span> <span class="s1">Black!” McGonagall said sharply, pressing her lips together in a firm line. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus noticed, faintly impressed, it hadn’t taken her long at all to notice. And, well. She of course was blaming Sirius. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">All was going to plan. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Me?” Sirius’s eyes went wider than galleons, and he glanced desperately to Remus. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes, you. Are you responsible?” McGonagall flicked her own wand and the pink disappeared far quicker than it had materialized. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What? No! Tell her, Moony, I—”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus met his eyes deliberately, and then leaned in, feeling Sirius’s shiver beneath his palms. He hovered close to Sirius’s ear. “Maybe you should have watched yourself, <em>Padfoot</em>, I’m not going to lose that easily.”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Sirius’s mouth fell open. Remus gave him one sweet smile and mouthed </span> <em><span class="s2">detention, Mr. Black,</span></em><span class="s2"> feeling better than he had in weeks. </span> <span class="s1">Sirius looked devastatingly disarmed, completely thrown, and wasn’t that a pleasant sight. </span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Projecting his voice, Remus turned sideways in his chair and said dramatically, with a gasp, “Sirius! How could you do that? She’s our </span> <span class="s2">professor!”</span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Sirius opened and closed his mouth, a faint dusting of pink visible on his neck. “But I— Moony, you’re supposed to be on my </span> <span class="s2">side, </span> <span class="s1">you’re my </span> <span class="s2">boyfriend!” </span> <span class="s1">He pleaded. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus rearranged his features into disappointment. “I won’t cover for you, Sirius, not this time.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius slumped down in his seat until his forehead hit the desk. Remus would have felt guilty if Sirius hadn’t been so clearly enjoying pulling Remus apart only minutes before. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Minnie,” Sirius appealed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“See me after class, Mr. Black.” McGonagall shook her head. “And detention.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fuck you,” Sirius grumbled our of the corner of his mouth. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Love you too,” Remus said, not even bothering to his his enjoyment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius groaned emphatically and thumped his forehead on the desk. “You sly dog. I <em>will </em>kill you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“Want me to go further? Because I </span> <span class="s2">can,” </span> <span class="s1">Remus threatened. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t. Merlin, you bloody ruthless arsehole.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You love it.” Remus smiled and faced the front again, where McGonagall had picked up the lesson. No more distractions from Sirius. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fuck you,” Sirius said again, muffled, in lieu of replying. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Once class was over, Remus bade Sirius a sweet goodbye and swung his bag over his shoulder, leaving a chagrined Sirius to face McGonagall in all her righteous fury. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That charm was shit anyway,” Sirius fired challengingly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nevertheless, it served its purpose.” Remus patted Sirius on the arm, injecting syrupy sympathy into his voice. He grinned and kissed Sirius’s cheek, pretending not to notice the uptick in Sirius’s heartbeat as he did so. “Later, babe.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sirius swore quietly and the last thing Remus heard before scooting out of the classroom was a pointed “What was that, Sirius?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t forget you have to go see Dumbledore,” James said, swinging in next to Remus, having watched the events of the class in amused relative silence. “I’ll pick your whiny boy up from McGee’s in a few.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus couldn’t help but grin. “It was fun, though, wasn’t it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“Certainly looked it,” James laughed. “I drew enough joy from his </span> <span class="s2">face </span> <span class="s1">to keep myself happy for the rest of the year.”</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So will I, I bet,” Remus agreed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re cold-blooded, Lupin, remind me never to get on your bad side.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s in your best interests,” Remus shot back good-naturedly and they parted ways. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Remus visited the headmaster in his office every three weeks, for little more than a half-hour of meaningless conversation and tea. It had everything to do with his lycanthropy and nothing to do with his company, although, Remus mused on the way there, Dumbledore always had the best biscuits to go with tea. Small wonders. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">After obtaining the password (‘sour gumballs’) from a first year on a mission to find Remus and deliver her information, Remus made his way up to the headmaster’s office. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He struggled not to laugh outside the entrance, remembering a particularly shameless joke Sirius had made weeks ago, about ‘head’ ‘master’. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He’s rubbing off on me, oh no,” Remus murmured with no real concern, giving the password and entering Dumbledore’s office. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Headmaster?” He called before a squawk caught his attention. “Oh, hello, Fawkes,” Remus said fondly, letting the fiery bird rub his red-gold head against Remus’s hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Remus!” Dumbledore greeted Remus warmly as he always did, and beckoned him with tea.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hi, sir,” Remus said politely. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I have less of a selection today,” Dumbledore said pleasantly. “Oolong, peppermint, or earl grey?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Peppermint, please,” Remus answered, taking a seat. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">—</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And let me offer my congratulations, if I may, young Remus,” Dumbledore said kindly, seeing Remus out a little less than an hour later. “On you and Sirius’s relationship.” There was a twinkle in his eye. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh,” Remus said. “Thank you, sir.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His good mood plummeted. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">It was all well and good to play games and get swept up in the wonderful </span> <span class="s2">prank-ness </span> <span class="s1">of it all, but at the end of the day, it was a huge fucking lie, and lies always came out in the end. </span></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>as ever— thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>at long last,,</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>it hasn’t been THAT long, right...?</p><p>warning for something that is very faintly near the border of non-con, but it’s more an anxiety thing than non consensual anything. just want to be extra careful! &lt;3 &lt;3</p><p>on the bright side, I think this chapter is long-ish (compared to the others!)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“So, Padfoot, we’re dying to know,” James said the next morning at breakfast before Remus could. “What did Minnie say about the pink fiasco?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hardly a fiasco,” Remus scoffed. “I thought it went rather well myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm,” was all Sirius said. He hooked his ankle over Remus’s, under the table, and took a long, pointed swallow of pumpkin juice before replying. “She gave me a biscuit and told me to pass on her begrudging admiration to you, Moony.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus ignored the pointed raise of Sirius’s eyebrows. He frowned. “Wait, what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thought it was a hoot how you pinned the blame on me,” Sirius said grumpily, “But it was a ‘clever charm’ and she found it a ‘funny way to break up the monotony of teaching.’”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Imagine that,” Remus commented, bending over his food to hide his smile. Sirius’s scowl shouldn’t have been so cute, but dammit, it was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe I wasn’t there,” Peter sighed gustily, stuffing another hash brown in his mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can always do it again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh hell no.” Sirius aimed his fork at Remus. “I’m going to get you back for it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? No!” Remus argued. “I was getting you back for something already, now we’re even.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Getting me back for what, exactly?” Sirius said archly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know,” Remus mumbled. “That.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius shook his head. “What’s ‘that’?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come off it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius played the innocent for a few more back-and-forths, but he eventually broke to say how damn funny it had been. Remus crowed triumphantly when he did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Breakfast passed in much the same fashion, Sirius and Remus taunting each other while Peter discreetly slipped a few pieces of toast into a napkin to save for later. James’s attention was captured when Lily sat down </span>
  <em>
    <span>only two people away from me, Moony, I think it’s finally happening!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius was very displeased with this. “He’s abandoned us, Moony, Wormy,” Sirius moaned, making sure that when he staged his dramatic fall he landed right in Remus’s lap. “We must fend for ourselves, forage around the worlds of Hogwarts without our fearless leader—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Leader?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Remus swallowed quickly. “You’re saying </span>
  <em>
    <span>Prongs </span>
  </em>
  <span>is the leader? Who are you and what have you done with my b— with Sirius?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius grinned up at him, tugging on the end of Remus’s tie. “We all know I’m the </span>
  <em>
    <span>real </span>
  </em>
  <span>leader, but Prongs can have the title so he doesn’t sulk about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That way you get all the power and fun while James saddles the punishments for being responsible for us, I see how it is,” Remus said dryly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius beamed up at him. “See, you get it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>James kicked Remus under the table. “I’m right the fuck here, idiots!” he hissed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not very nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus frowned and kicked James back. “Why’d you kick </span>
  <em>
    <span>me? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Kick Sirius.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius complained loudly. “Babe! Unfair!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>don’t see why we even need a leader,” Peter put in, crunching down on a chunk of hardened brown sugar in his oatmeal. “We’re all equal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If James isn’t our leader, who would take the blame for our pranks? It’s the best system we’ve got, Wormy,” Sirius explained patiently. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>James kicked Sirius this time. </span>
</p><p>—</p><p>
  <span>They left the Great Hall as one, Sirius and James bickering while Sirius loosely held Remus’s hand, Peter trailing along sneaking bites of his for-later toast. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus, as always attuned to his surroundings (it came with paranoia as a young werewolf, hiding in plain sight for years) was the first to notice the stares and whispers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sirius…?” Remus squeezed Sirius’s hand. Sirius broke off his minor argument with James, falling into step with him and bending their heads close together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah? Is everything okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be obvious but look around,” Remus said under his breath, doing just that. “I feel like people are looking at us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would they be…” Sirius twisted around to look behind them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus yanked him back with a hiss. “Did I not say </span>
  <em>
    <span>don’t be obvious? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Fuck!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, sorry,” Sirius whispered. “I see what you see, but I don’t get why.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me neither.” Remus tugged his left sleeve down over his hand and curled his fingers in the material. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You feel okay?” Sirius asked, well aware Remus disliked attention that he didn’t know the reason for. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” Remus shrugged and kept his voice lowered. Their first class was Potions, which wasn’t much further. “Just a little curious. Why it’s suddenly gotten strange.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius stepped a little closer to Remus as they walked, so that their shoulders touched with each step. He eyed the back of James’s head. “I bet Prongs has some idea, what with his claws in the gossip underworld of Hogwarts and all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus smothered a laugh. “You make it sound so dark and dramatic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it </span>
  <em>
    <span>is.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“All the gossip underworld is—” Remus sidestepped a tearful first year, “Is whispering about who caught who snogging who behind the greenhouses. Intense.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius snorted. “That’s just on the </span>
  <em>
    <span>surface, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Moonface. You’ve got to stop being so superficial.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Arsehole,” Remus smirked. He’d nearly forgotten about the attention by the time they got to Potions. Sirius, with an apologetic glance, immediately claimed the seat next to James. Remus slid in next to Lily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, Remus,” Lily said with a smile, passing him a chocolate button from her pocket that Remus reciprocated with a caramel as was their (Remus’s favorite) tradition.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few minutes in to the lesson, a folded piece of paper with the words </span>
  <em>
    <span>Remus’s Eyes Only </span>
  </em>
  <span>scrawled in familiar handwriting landed on his desk. Remus quickly peeked at it. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I would’ve sat with you but I have to gather intel, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Sirius’s note read. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Rest assured inspector Black is on the case. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I feel safer already, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Remus wrote back. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Now focus on the lesson, sir. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>SIR???</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus ignored him and focused on Slughorn’s lecture, appreciative that they weren’t making a potion today. He was shit at it, and Lily always was more of an instructor than an I’ll-do-it-for-you-while-you-watch sort of partner. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>— </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any news, Inspector?” Remus fell into step beside Sirius as they walked from class. Sirius didn’t take his hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius worried his lower lip between his teeth, eyes fixed on the floor. “Well…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine, I just…” Sirius sighed. “James didn’t want to tell me because he thought it’d be awkward for you, but…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But? Just tell me, it can’t be that bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus’s mind was, at that moment, jumping to </span>
  <em>
    <span>that bad. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Worst-case scenarios: </span>
  <em>
    <span>they know it’s fake, they know I’m a werewolf, they know everything—</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“People think it’s weird we don’t kiss,” Sirius said in a rush, dropping his eyes and fidgeting with the cuff of his sleeve. “Well, it’s probably mostly Adam, you really bring out the best in people—” Remus kicked his ankle. Sirius wrinkled his nose. “And Prongs tried to de-escalate but I don’t think it worked.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Remus said faintly. He’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>known. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He’d dreaded this. They weren’t a real couple and they couldn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>act </span>
  </em>
  <span>like a real couple, and everyone would know and hate him—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Moony,” Sirius said quickly, finally grabbing Remus’s hand. “Hey, it’s okay. We can say neither of us are particularly comfortable with public affection, that’s okay. No one’s going to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>too </span>
  </em>
  <span>insistent without being labeled creepy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But—” Remus’s breathing faltered. “If it’s enough of an issue for James to not want to tell you, it </span>
  <em>
    <span>must </span>
  </em>
  <span>be important, or talked about, Merlin, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>hate </span>
  </em>
  <span>this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius dropped his head, his wand sitting precariously in his loose bun. “What do you hate, Moony? If you want to stop, I… I can…” he looked miserable, but Remus was too worried to pay attention to it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, we can’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus continued, “My philosophy is let’s just… ignore it, act normal, and maybe it’ll go away. Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>—</p><p>His philosophy was spectacularly unsuccessful, which was why he was currently in the position of peer pressure, stress, and butterflies of anticipation that he was.  </p><p>
  <span>Sirius cocked one sculpted eyebrow, eyeing Adam, who was standing resolutely to the side. Remus felt like he needed to sit down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius was going to kiss him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus had absolutely no intention of losing control, but he had even less interest in remaining chaste. No one would </span>
  <em>
    <span>expect </span>
  </em>
  <span>them to be chaste, right? He was only playing their expectations. Putting on the show, in a manner of speaking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t pretend their situation was anything less than laughably ridiculous. He and Sirius had gathered a small </span>
  <em>
    <span>crowd, </span>
  </em>
  <span>trickling to a stop around where James and Peter were giving the curious students profoundly disapproving looks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Our bodyguards,” Sirius whispered teasingly. Remus tried to smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sirius,” Remus whispered, biting the inside of his cheek. “Sirius, I don’t know if—” </span>
  <em>
    <span>if I can do this. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius’s eyes were muddled, but he nodded and rested his hand on Remus’s lower back, his touch featherlight. “It’s okay, Moony, we can just walk away, yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I can’t not, it’s just going to get worse!” Remus’s eyebrows pulled together and he fought the urge to bite down hard on his lower lip, instead focusing on where his hands were knotted around the strap of his bag. He had experience with heckling. “I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius paused for a moment and opened his mouth to speak, cut off by a jeer from someone with a green tie. “Too afraid to snog your own </span>
  <em>
    <span>boyfriend, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Black?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius inhaled sharply. “Fucking— okay.” He visibly struggled to ignore it and refocused on Remus. “Are we still decided, or have we changed our minds?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Are we still going to let them see us kiss, or are you too much of a spineless halfblood to let that happen?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus shook his head slightly. “Sirius, we’re fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. I mean— you’re sure? Okay.” Sirius’s face cleared, his eyes lightened. Remus could </span>
  <em>
    <span>see </span>
  </em>
  <span>the change as he went from inexperienced, nervous, unsure to confident, as if this was just another kiss with a boyfriend he’d had many with already. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus had been expecting any number of things. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius didn’t date around, or really date at </span>
  <em>
    <span>all. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He was particular about physical intimacy, only extra-affectionate around the Marauders and Remus in particular. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Remus had maybe, just a little, expected Sirius to be so much more hesitant. Or uncertain. Or inexperienced and cautious. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Apparently, Sirius had thrown away all inhibitions out the window, as if he had to make this kiss count. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus felt Peter’s worry next to him, and James watching with bated breath, one eye on the gathered students, the other on the two of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you say, darling?” Sirius smirked, persona fully adopted, casting a glance over those assembled. “Shall we give them a show?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus played along, smiling as if Sirius’s smirk and words and what he was about to do weren’t making his knees weak and head spin, paling in the face of the heat on his cheeks and clammy palms. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nervous wreck, Lupin, pull it together.</span>
  </em>
  <span> “I’d rather we saved that for private, love.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius laughed delightedly, letting his voice project. “So scandalous, Lupin,” he teased. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut it,” Remus smiled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius’s grey gaze flicked to the side almost nervously, and he took a shallow breath, stepping closer. Remus’s palms itched and he tried not to breathe too heavily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius was so close Remus thought their eyelashes might touch when he blinked, and they </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> when Sirius tilted his head and leaned in, carefully, giving Remus time to duck away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus didn’t. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grabbed Sirius’s collar, taking in the other boy’s small sound of surprise, and claimed Sirius’s mouth with his own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d never given that much thought to taste. Sirius would taste like lips, probably, but Remus hadn’t expected the tang of sweetness and mint, or the startled breath Sirius loosed before his hands went to the fronts of Remus’s robes. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus </span>
  </em>
  <span>had surprised him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Remus </span>
  </em>
  <span>was the reason for Sirius’s shaky excitement, for Sirius’s enthusiastic reciprocation of the kiss. Maybe he lost himself in holding Sirius close, in how </span>
  <em>
    <span>soft</span>
  </em>
  <span> his hair was brushing Remus’s fingertips, but he wasn’t in any position of strong self control to pull away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius broke first, pulling a few inches back with widened eyes. Remus stumbled a little, the fingers of one hand still knotted in Sirius’s collar. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then in all came crashing down on him, and his muscles slackened and tensed at the same time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Moony?” Sirius was frowning, and Remus realized he probably looked exceedingly concerning, eyes wide and breathing panicked like it was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m— I’m sorry,” he stammered, needing an excuse and air and too breathe and be alone and </span>
  <em>
    <span>breathe. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“I don’t— I left my class book in the dorm,” and he was off, fixing his expression into one of perfectly normal neutrality that cracked like plaster as he struggled to hold back a burning that was <em>probably </em>tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No one stopped him, most of the gathered students muttering at the anti-climactic nature of the kiss that had shaken Remus all the way down to his foundations. He was scrambling away on trembling legs, leaving Sirius openmouthed in his wake. His limbs were filled with sand, maybe his bones were sand for how steady he felt on his feet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No one chased after him. James, at least, would know when Remus ran away it meant he wanted space, or at least he thought he did. Maybe Sirius was a statue in the corridor, and they were fixing the cracks Remus had made with his irreconcilable actions. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>How he managed the stairs Remus didn’t know, only that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>could not </span>
  </em>
  <span>break down in the middle of the common room and that determination spurred him on, at least to make it to his bed, which he promptly collapsed in and burrowed under the covers and surrendered himself to shaking and regretting and thinking too much. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius must be talking it over with James now, and soon they’re going to know that you’re just a lying werewolf in love, and then he’s going to have to figure out how to say </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> to you, and then it’s all over because you’ve ruined it, haven’t you?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus took shallow breaths and willed his brain to quiet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Sirius tiptoed into the dorm hours later, minutes, days, painfully quietly, Remus’s chest ached with holding back everything he wished he could say. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Moony?” Sirius’s whisper was tentative and soft, the hand he laid on Remus’s shoulder gentle. “Hey, Moony?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Remus spoke, his voice was gravelly. “What do you want?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He winced at himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius’s hand wavered. “I— I wanted to know if we could talk? I should— I think I should apologize.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Apologize for what, making what you’ve now realized to be the most colossal mistake of your life, pretending to date Remus Lupin? Or have I fucked up our friendship now, and you’re trying to figure out how to say you can’t deal anymore?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus screws up his face and turns a little more to press it into his pillow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have to answer me, you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus concentrated, as if he could beam the words straight into Sirius’s head. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Watch me very fucking determinedly </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> answer. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius sighed. “Please, Remus? I want—” his voice cracked and he cleared his throat. “I want to fix things. If I can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fix what? Whatever I’ve broken?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus tore the comforter off his head, just barely registering Sirius’s grey eyes widen before he all but leapt across the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not right now,” he mumbled, the words blurring together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius didn’t follow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Remus stumbled out of the dorm, needing air and space to breathe, he found Lily curled up like a cat in one of the oversized armchairs by the fire. He hardly registered what he was doing before he let himself drop to the ground next to her with a sigh, and Lily looked up, startled, her book closing on her finger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remus! I didn’t see you there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus leaned his forehead against the side of her chair, the crackling fire warming his body, and made a vague assenting noise in the back of his throat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lily craned her neck to see him, quickly checking her page number and closing her book. “Are you all right? Remus?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus nodded quickly, thinking fierce thoughts at the lump in his throat. Everything was so muddled and confused, he couldn’t function anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lily was safe, Lily was secure, Lily was normal and kind and Remus’s friend. He wasn’t going to ruin the haven of her with the colossal fuck-up after fuck-up his life had become. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew he would. He couldn’t keep quiet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The chair creaked as Lily moved. “Hey, Remus, come on. Come up here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus slid into the seat next to her, closing his eyes and letting out a sigh as she folded herself around him. “‘M sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No apologizing,” Lily said immediately. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lily huffed a little laugh. “Tell me what’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what’s wrong,” Remus murmured. “It’s just all so wrong I can’t figure it out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lily rested her cheek on the top of his head. “I’m always here for you to talk it out, you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Remus said thickly. “Just don’t know how to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you talk to Sirius?” Lily asked. “He always seemed to be able to figure you out. Congratulations on that, by the way— Remus?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Merlin, she’d been so well-meaning, but Remus found that at the casual way she brought up their web of confusion, he could no longer hold back his tears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lily hugged him tight to her chest, whispering </span>
  <em>
    <span>it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay</span>
  </em>
  <span> in his ear, over and over, letting him cry himself dry until his shudders finally ceased. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh shh, it’s okay, love, it’s okay,” Lily soothed, rubbing her palms up and down his back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s Sirius,” Remus managed raspily. “Lils, it’s Sirius, him and me, we aren’t—” fuck, he couldn’t say it. But he had to. He’d never wanted to desperately to share a secret before, and he couldn’t stop the inexorable words once they started coming. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He told her everything, the conception of it, the early days, the kiss. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even his </span>
  <em>
    <span>feelings. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“And it’s so hard,” Remus shivered, “Because I love him so much and he’s so perfect, it’s so perfect, until I remember it’s not real and I just want to cry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Lily whispered. She hadn’t said a word the entire time he was spilling it all, and now she just repeated herself, softer. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Remus bit his tongue. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for telling me,” Lily said softly. “And there’s no way he knows?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He couldn’t.” Remus swallowed a sob. “He’s just trying to help me and taking it as far as he can because he’s Sirius. It’s what he does.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think maybe he could feel the same way?” Lily asked hesitantly, but Remus was violently shaking his head before she could finish the sentence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s no way. He doesn’t. He just doesn’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lily looked like she was about to argue, and Remus shook his head again. “I would notice something. I’m sure I would. All I’m doing is looking for it, but every little thing can be explained away, and this whole fake dating shit has just made it worse.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lily gently carded her fingers through his hair, combing it to the side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus’s voice dropped. “I’m not going to be able to go back to being friends with him. I don’t know what I’m going to do; but it’s just not bearable anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remus—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus had to remind himself to breathe. “It’s so </span>
  <em>
    <span>hard </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be friends but that’s all I’m going to get, I can’t—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lily opened her mouth, but before she could speak, familiar footsteps came from the stairs up to the boy’s dorms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus’s muscles tensed. He’d memorized the cadence of Sirius’s footsteps, somehow over the years, and this was him hesitating. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius came tripping down the stairs to find Lily and Remus huddled together, and he stopped, obviously expecting Remus to be alone. He focused on Remus’s red-rimmed eyes, giving Lily an uncomfortable nod. “Rems? Moony, are you okay?” Remus wanted to hide his face in Lily’s shoulder, but he couldn’t. He had to act at least some semblance of okay for Sirius, and so he nodded as normally as he could manage. “Just…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was a bit wound up,” Lily said smoothly. It wasn’t even a lie. “Needed some help untangling it and what are friends for?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus couldn’t meet Sirius’s lovely grey eyes. He focused on the arm of he and Lily’s chair instead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right,” Sirius said carefully. “James said— he said it was maybe my fault. In more words than that, but— I really didn’t mean to hurt you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t,” Remus said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” Sirius said diplomatically. Remus heard the unsaid words. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Based on your current state, that may be up for debate. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus bit his lip. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius glanced awkwardly to Lily, who gestured openly and said, “Pretend I’m not here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She knows everything,” Remus directed, a little hoarsely, to Sirius. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Everything everything. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah. Okay.” Sirius worried his lip between his teeth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you want to talk,” said Remus, ducking his head into Lily’s shoulder. She rubbed his back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m guessing you’re upset because of the attention?” Sirius asked. He sat next to the fire, earnest gaze boring into Remus’s. “And when— when I think about it, the whole situation was really uncomfortable, being forced to kiss me.” He gave a little laugh and quickly kept talking. “I realize now it was probably… absolute shit for you, Remus, I’m really sorry for putting you in that position. I really am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus swallowed past the irritating lump in his throat, burying his nose in Lily’s sweater. “Fuck,” he mouthed so that only Lily could hear it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lily shook a little with a faint laugh. “Mm-hmm,” she returned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay,” Remus managed to say, and he even slid off the chair to sit at the base of it. He could touch Sirius’s ankle if he wanted to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius made a small noise of disbelief. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Quiet,” Remus scolded with little heat, flashing a small smile. “Really. I’ve been able to ruminate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time Sirius scoffed over Remus’s word choice. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ruminate.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I stand by my vocabulary,” Remus said challengingly. He quieted. “It wasn’t an ideal situation for you either. I realize.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, mostly because it was with you,” Sirius said very very softly, barely audible over the hiss and crackle of the fire. “And I’m sorry. I was being selfish.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Evidently Lily heard, because she not-so-subtly kicked Remus in the back.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He means because we’re friends, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he wanted to tell her. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He feels comfortable with me, more than anyone besides Prongs and maybe Wormy. And he’s part of this whole scheme too, it’s not just me, it has to be believable for his sake too. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius focused on his knees. “I guess it wasn’t the greatest all-round then,” he said ruefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There was nothing wrong with— the actual kiss part,” Remus hurried to say, much to Lily’s palpable amusement. Sirius seemed to have relaxed around her, enough to have this conversation, at least. “But circumstances.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>There. </span>
  </em>
  <span>His pulse rabbited. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’ve been so obvious I’ve practically shoved it in your face. Merlin alive, Sirius, pick up on it!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius didn’t. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled gently, carefully, his face warm and gilded by firelight. “Okay. Are we okay? I got worried when you wouldn’t talk to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Remus mumbled, his cheeks alight. “I reacted a little thoughtlessly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not mad at you,” Sirius said quickly. He deliberated for a few moments and then inched over, giving Remus space to back away, before pulling him into a one-armed side hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus rested his head on Sirius’s shoulder. “Of course we’re okay, Padfoot.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius hugged him a little tighter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When it became clear they weren’t going to move or speak more, Lily got up, kissing Remus’s cheek goodbye. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That night, when they finally got up to bed, Sirius fell into Remus’s without a second of uncertainty. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus relaxed with a few inches between him and Sirius, the personal heater of a wizard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt like he was thirteen again, curling up with Sirius after a nightmare, or waking up feeling alone. He wasn’t not alone, but he wasn’t very far away from the boy in bed with him. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>as always thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>the full (wreaks havoc)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>the full moon is a bitch and that’s all I’m going to say, have a lovely day (because Remus sure isn’t)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“How’s he doing?” </p><p>The loud whisper was James’s, penetrating Remus’s cocoon of warmth. He’d been switching between feverish heat and chills all night, and he shivered beneath the mound of blankets he’d set up. </p><p>“What do you think?” Sirius answered, one hand settled on Remus’s covered shoulder and the other probably waving erratically. </p><p>James sighed. Remus could picture him slumping down onto Sirius’s bed, taking his glasses off to rub the bridge of his nose. “Can we— can I do something?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Sirius said quietly.</p><p>Remus’s skin was washed with heat. He kicked his blankets off, panting with the influx of the cool air of the dorm, and fell limp on top of the covers. </p><p>“Hot, Moony?” Sirius asked sympathetically. </p><p><em> Pityingly. </em>Remus narrowed his eyes and turned his head away, letting his tense muscles relax ever so slightly the longer he lay still. </p><p>“Can I get you anything?” </p><p>“You can be a little quieter,” Remus mumbled sharply. </p><p>Sirius’s hand twitched, like he was debating pulling it away, but he and James had gotten quite immune to Remus’s full moon irritability over the years. “Cold water?”</p><p><em> “Yes,” </em> Remus bit out, forcing a ‘please’ out after it. His limbs were slowly being stretched like thick taffy, cramps and seizing, and he didn’t have the <em> ability </em>to keep his tone polite. </p><p>James followed Sirius to the bathroom with his own cup. Remus knew they could have just summoned water with a spell, but he suspected they needed to have a small conference out of earshot. </p><p>They never learned, did they? Remus’s hearing was at its peak on the day of the full moon, so he easily heard what they were saying. </p><p>“Fill me in on what’s been happening with you two,” James said quietly, fiddling with the sleeve of his pajamas. </p><p>Sirius filled the cup for Remus and have a wearied sigh. “Nothing. Absolutely no progress. I don’t know what else I can do.”</p><p>“You could just—” James suggested, but Remus’s head abruptly swam with paralyzing dizziness and he tangled his fingers in his hair, pulling, until it passed and he could breathe again. </p><p>Sirius was scoffing. “No way. I can’t.”</p><p>James shrugged. “And this morning? I don’t know what he’s feeling, he never tells us, but…”</p><p>“Worse,” Sirius supplied, and right on, Padfoot, exactly on point. “It’s definitely worse.”</p><p>“Great.”</p><p>That was all he said, as James and Sirius made their way back to Remus’s bed. Sirius handed the cup to Remus, who seized and drained it with a murmured “Thanks.”</p><p>Sirius merely nodded and took a seat on the end of Remus’s bed, which tilted the mattress. His head pulsed with pain at the movement, and he prodded Sirius’s leg none-too-gently with his foot, breathing as lightly as possible. “Sirius. Off.”</p><p>“What’s wrong?” Sirius quickly got off the bed. </p><p>“Nothing,” Remus ground out. “Just a headache— <em> ah, fuck!” </em></p><p>“Pete’s coming back with food any minute now,” James said nervously, trading a glance with Sirius that made Remus want to bang his head against a wall. They needn’t look so stiflingly <em> concerned.  </em></p><p>“Do I fucking look like I can eat?” Remus snapped, immediately regretting expending the extra force with his words. He screwed his eyes shut and carefully tilted his head back, trying not to set off another round of head-spinning aches. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to be so—”</p><p>“It’s fine, Moony,” Sirius said soothingly, but all his tone did was grate on Remus’s exposed nerves. He clenched his teeth to keep from saying something scathing about it. “We just want to help.”</p><p>“What the fuck do you propose to— <em> shit, </em> I can’t,” Remus hissed through his teeth. “Why does it <em> hurt </em> so much?”</p><p>“Tell me what I can do,” Sirius said quickly, but Remus just shook his head. </p><p>“It’ll peter off eventually,” he said raspily, “But <em> now </em>it’s just…”</p><p>Sirius nodded. </p><p>The days of full moons were never the same, and the way they affected Remus fluctuated. He always knew to prepare for the pain of snapping bones and breaking skin, and so his muscles cramped and ached all day in preparation for the moonrise. His temperature flashed between extremes, his head pounded like a hammer to an anvil. His temper shortened, his mood worsened with each passing second of waiting on edge for night to fall. </p><p>Those were the worst days. </p><p>Sometimes Remus wondered if he shouldn’t just take a sleeping draught and spend the day unconscious, but he was afraid of being unaware of what was happening to him. His skin crawled, alive with discomfort, when he thought about sleeping, silent, utterly removed from the preliminary transformation his body would go through. He hated being aware, couldn’t imagine not knowing. His chest tightened. </p><p>“Remus?” James said worriedly, noticing Remus’s struggle to breathe. “Moony?”</p><p>Remus shook his head, countless strings around his chest pulled tight with each dragging inhale. </p><p>James pushed past Sirius, who looked like he was having a silent argument with himself, and gathered Remus in his arms. Often, skin-to-skin contact helped ground him, solidify his place as <em> not a wolf, </em> as <em> not alone, </em> as <em> loved. </em>And of course, it was common knowledge that James gave the best hugs. </p><p>It didn’t work this time. </p><p>Remus tried, really he tried to settle into James’s firm brotherly embrace, but his heartbeat betrayed him, racing and skipping beats. He clenched his hands into fists, palms clammy, a sore muscle in his forearm pulling. </p><p>“We should go to Madame Pomfrey,” Sirius said suddenly, breaking the silence that so far had only been punctuated by Remus’s ragged breathing and James’s soft, soothing murmurs. </p><p>“We can’t,” Remus returned without hesitation. </p><p>“Moony,” Sirius began reproachfully. “You’re—”</p><p>“I can’t go to the hospital wing,” Remus said fiercely. “It’s the full moon. Everyone knows that, because of the Astronomy thing for seventh years and—” he broke off to wince. “It’s too obvious, people will notice.”</p><p><em> “Look </em>at you!” Sirius burst out, one hand going to tangle and pull at his own hair. “You’re not okay, Moony.”</p><p>“It’s a bad moon,” Remus said weakly. “They happen.”</p><p>“Sirius, he’s right.” James winced when Sirius wheeled on him, face alive with righteous fury. “Stop it! People <em> will </em>notice. I don’t like it, but it’s true.”</p><p>“See?” Remus pointed out, grateful for the distraction from squirming physical touch that the conversation lent him. “I’m always right.”</p><p>“Not always,” Sirius grumbled. “I hate seeing you like this. Isn’t there something she could give you?”</p><p>“No,” James cut in, a tad disapprovingly, side-eying Remus’s head on his shoulder. “Because the strongest thing she can give him that would actually have some effect on the wolf is a sleeping draught and muscle relaxant, which—”</p><p>“Which I <em> won’t take,” </em>Remus said, his voice strong. “So no. Going to her would serve no purpose, Sirius.”</p><p>Sirius slumped to his bed, running a hand through his hair and avoiding Remus’s eyes. “But you’re hurting,” he mumbled quietly, almost to himself. “I want to make it stop.”</p><p>“I know,” Remus replied, his tone far gentler than it had ever been on the day of a full, “But you can’t.”</p><p>James rubbed up and down Remus’s arm, meant to be soothing and it usually worked, but Remus’s body erupted with the urge to fling his hand off him, push him away and bare his teeth and <em> make </em>them give him space. </p><p>“James,” he tried to say evenly, but it came out strained. “James—” Remus hissed and bit down on his lower lip, fighting the urge to snarl. </p><p>“James, off,” Sirius said suddenly. <em> “Prongs.” </em></p><p>With the space he was given, Remus could breathe again. He could breathe, but he was alone with the wolf, no humanity near him to remind <em> this isn’t who you are. You’re more than this.  </em></p><p>“Remus, what do you need?”</p><p>Remus shook his head tightly. “I don’t— don’t know.” </p><p>Sirius sat next to him, keeping a few inches between their legs, and gently took Remus’s hand in his. “Is this okay?”</p><p>It <em> was </em> but it <em> wasn’t. </em> Sirius was so close, so warm and alive and beautiful. Remus didn’t know what he wanted to do, but he was pushing back against it, the animalistic urge for freedom, and it was only <em> midmorning.  </em></p><p>“It’s never this bad.” Peter looked anxiously to James. When had Peter gotten there?</p><p>He was right. Remus wasn’t used to having to fight back quite this hard, quite this early. He suspected his unsettled emotions had been brought into play, the predator lurking inside him jumping and snapping at that crack of weakness. </p><p><em> It’s not usually like this, </em> Remus wanted to cry, shaking. <em> Why is it like this? </em></p><p>The full moon brought out the worst in both of them, Remus and the wolf side. It wanted free reign of him, and he didn’t want to give that up. Remus bit his tongue. </p><p>“Sirius, it’s too hard,” he said abruptly. Sirius broke James’s worried gaze. They’d been trading concerned looks over Remus’s head. “I <em> need </em>to be close but I can’t, please, Padfoot, I—”</p><p>Sirius leapt to his feet, tearing the wonderful proximity away. “Padfoot!”</p><p>Peter was looking at him oddly. “Yes, that’s you.”</p><p>“No, Pete— <em> Padfoot. </em>Moony, would being— never mind. I’m just going to—” grey eyes alight, Sirius bent to press a kiss Remus’s cheek, taking him startlingly off guard, before screwing his eyes shut and shifting to Padfoot. </p><p>“Daft genius,” James breathed. </p><p>Remus inched back in bed until he was sitting crisscrossed in the middle, arms outstretched for the big black dog. </p><p>Sirius— Padfoot— clambered onto the bed and snuffled at Remus’s neck, giving him a few wet nose-bumps there. </p><p>Remus <em> laughed. </em> He actually <em> laughed, </em>fending Padfoot off, giggles shaking his body. James’s mouth hung open. “Disgusting, Pads. Mutt.”</p><p>Padfoot barked indignantly. James winced and cast a quick Silencing charm over the dorm. Remus beckoned Padfoot to him, his expression more sure than it had been all day. Padfoot turned in a few circles, his tail smacking Remus in the face more than twice, before finally laying down with his head on Remus’s lap. </p><p>“You great excitable thing,” Remus murmured fondly, some of the conflict inside him settling as he stroked Padfoot’s silken ears and threaded his fingers through his thick black fur. </p><p>James pretended to wipe a tear off his cheek. “It’s so sweet, I’m crying, Moony.”</p><p>“He’s a cute dog, so fuck off with your judgement,” Remus defended, feeling Padfoot shake with his own brand of canine laughter. </p><p>They sat in relative silence, Remus humming contentedly as Padfoot melted into his lap and let himself be petted. </p><p>“Is this something we should do?” Peter asked. “For the next fulls?”</p><p>“I really hope it won’t be this bad for the future ones,” Remus said quietly, fingers clenching in Padfoot’s fur. He let out a whine of protest and Remus relaxed. “I know there’s something different but I don’t know what.”</p><p>“Is it with you, or the moon?” James raised delicately. </p><p>“I have no earthly idea, Prongs. Maybe both. I hope it’s the moon.”</p><p>“If it’s the moon, it’s not permanent,” Peter piped up. </p><p><em> What if it is? </em> Remus’s breathing got a little tighter, his heartbeat shifting up in speed. Padfoot shifted, nudging Remus’s arm with his head. When Remus looked down, Padfoot’s silver eyes plainly said <em> get back to petting. And ohhhh ear scritches. </em>Padfoot <em>loves </em>being scratched just behind his ears.</p><p>Remus did, taking deep breaths and trying not to think about it. “Well— I think we wouldn’t— or would, but— we’d be able to do this every time, with all of us.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“I mean,” Remus started, and looked down at Padfoot, eyes squinted shut with pleasure. “Padfoot’s a canine too, right? But you and Pete aren’t. Actually <em> during </em>the full it’s fine, but now… I don’t know.”</p><p>“Try to explain?” Peter chewed his thumbnail. </p><p>“This,” Remus gestured at his lap, “would work with any of you. But I don’t know if as well. I’m just trying to understand <em>me.</em> I just think that because Sirius is canine, he’s familiar, and the wolf that’s so agitated recognizes him as… a friend, or at least not a foe. And it helps that <em> I </em>know him as a friend. Does that make sense?”</p><p>James screwed up his face. “I think maybe a little.”</p><p>“And I mean—” Remus broke off to scritch behind Padfoot’s ears, vastly enjoying the squirming he did while trying to get closer to Remus. He was a warm, heavy weight in his lap, more grounding than Remus would have expected. “It won’t be like this every moon, for the whole day. Right now it’s waning.”</p><p>“What’s waning?” James sat down on his bed, pulling his knees up to his chest. </p><p>“The pain,” Remus explained matter-of-factly. “It waxes and wanes on the day on the full. This morning it was really high, now, with Padfoot, it’s waning. I just don’t know if it’ll stay like that is all.”</p><p>“You have a whole terminology,” Peter murmured. </p><p>Remus busied himself combing through the fur on Padfoot’s side. “Well, I kind of have to. And it helps, a little. To be able to name it. It makes it less frightening, sometimes.”</p><p>James’s eyes went soft. </p><p>Peter fidgeted. “Prongs, we should probably go to class. We’ve missed the first, at least.”</p><p>James nodded. “Sirius can skip. You should try to sleep, Moony.”</p><p>Remus slid down a little, letting Padfoot shift and resettle so that he was nestled comfortably against Remus’s side. </p><p>The last thought Remus had before he dropped off to sleep was <em> I wish we could do this every full.  </em></p><p>—</p><p>Mid afternoon, Remus’s internal clock told him as he writhed away, sweaty and panting. Pain ran up and down his spine, twisting muscle and bone. </p><p>
  <em> Waxing.  </em>
</p><p>Padfoot was gone. Sirius was across the room, rifling through his trunk. When Remus made a small sound of pain at the back of his throat, Sirius’s head snapped up. </p><p>“Moony?” He pulled something from his trunk and kicked it shut, hurrying towards Remus’s bed. Remus clenched his teeth, sweat slicking his neck. </p><p>Sirius carefully slid in next to him, putting an arm around his shaking shoulders. Agony came in <em> waves. </em> And Merlin’s bloody fucking balls, it <em> hurt.  </em></p><p>Remus stiffened at Sirius’s touch, violently shaking his head. Sirius gave him space. </p><p>“Waxing?” he asked hesitantly, the look on his face halfway between worry and curiosity. </p><p>Remus ground out, “Yeah.”</p><p>“Chocolate?” Sirius held out a few squares of Remus’s favorite Honeyduke’s.</p><p>It wasn’t hard enough to chew. It was soft and melty, and Remus nearly cracked his teeth with how hard his jaw was grinding. </p><p>“Shh, Moony,” Sirius soothed. “Hey, look at me. What do you need?”</p><p>Remus bit back a sob. He <em> hated </em> this, he <em> hated </em>it. He’d give anything to slip into sleep, cool and dark, but there was nothing he could do now to relax. </p><p>Sirius gripped his shoulder, his eyes frantic. “Remus. You’re going to crack your jaw. Look at me. Do you need— fuck, what can I—”</p><p>“Padfoot,” Remus managed. <em> “Please.” </em></p><p>Relief at finally having a direction washed over Sirius’s features, but Remus didn’t have time to register it as Sirius’s form blurred into Padfoot. </p><p>Forcing back a whimper, Remus threw his arms around the dog, pressing his face to the black fur and melting into him. Remus curled up on top of his covered, Padfoot curving around him. Remus clutched at the dog and didn’t let go, distantly grateful that Padfoot was strong, sturdy, and anything <em> but </em>fragile. Remus, a boy due to turn into a monster come nightfall, had nothing on the Grim-like black dog. </p><p>—</p><p>He missed lunch. And dinner. Sirius stayed with him until James and Peter got back, carrying food from the Great Hall that Remus wouldn’t, couldn’t eat. </p><p>The pain was done waning. It was a perpetual ache, the grind of his bones and pull of his muscles. </p><p>Madame Pomfrey opened the hospital wing doors immediately. “Remus! I expected you here much earlier.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>Remus squeezed Sirius’s hand. Sirius had both his wrapped around Remus’s one, steady support. He smiled quickly. </p><p>Pomfrey raised an eyebrow. “It’s the supermoon. Surely you know that?”</p><p><em> No, </em>Remus thought at the same time as his breath whooshed out of him with an “Oh.”</p><p><em> “That’s </em>why you were haywire,” James said, realization dawning on his face. </p><p>Sirius swore softly. “I wouldn’t call it haywire, but. How didn’t <em> any </em>of us know?”</p><p>“Because we’re all shit at Astronomy and you’ve been spending all your classes staring at Moony,” Peter mumbled. </p><p>Remus flushed. “But I pay attention, and I didn’t hear it mentioned at all.”</p><p>“It wasn’t,” Pomfrey sighed. “They do the phases for the best stargazing nights, and not for <em>your </em>classes. Quickly, come in. You’ll have to leave soon.”</p><p>Remus took a deep breath, stretching out the cricks in his neck. Tomorrow, it would be over. Tomorrow. He just had to keep thinking of a time where he would be free, when it would be over. A matter of hours. </p><p>James had the map tucked in his pocket. Once Remus left with Madame Pomfrey, he, Sirius, and Peter would sneak out one of the many secret passageways and make their way to the Shack just before Remus could transform. </p><p>He took a deep breath and let go of Sirius. “See you tomorrow.”</p><p>“Tomorrow, Moony.” James smiled a little, his brow pinched with worry.</p><p>Supermoon. If it affected the hours leading up to his transformation so deeply, how would it affect the night?</p><p>—</p><p>Remus awoke the next morning, dazed and distantly remembering the three animals steering him away from the smell of prey. </p><p>“Moony!” Peter’s voice. </p><p>Sirius’s. “Welcome back to the land of the living, Mooncake.”</p><p>Remus pried his eyes open. “Was it bad?” he asked immediately. “Are you all okay? What happened?”</p><p>Sirius laughed, shaking out his hair. “I think I’ve been more dog than I’ve been human today.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Remus mumbled. </p><p>“Hey, don’t apologize,” Sirius reprimanded gently. “I’m glad to do it if it helps even a little. Besides,” he gave Remus a mischievous grin, “You give great ear scratches.”</p><p>Remus buried his face in his hands. “If you weren’t a dog when I do, that would be <em> so </em>strange,” he moaned. </p><p>James punched Sirius’s shoulder. “Pads, what the fuck? I thought I was the best at that!”</p><p>“Sorry, mate.” Sirius reached up to ruffle James’s perpetually messy hair. “Remus has taken the title of giver of the best pets.”</p><p>Remus hid his pleased smile by stuffing a square of chocolate in his mouth. While he did so, he examined his friends for injuries they might be hiding.</p><p>“Padfoot?” </p><p>Sirius smiled brightly. “Mhm, yes?”</p><p>Remus flopped back against his pillows. “Can I get a rundown, please?”</p><p>He ached all over, of course, but that was normal. What he was worried about was Sirius, the selfless bastard he was, and James, and Peter following their lead, hiding being hurt just to spare Remus’s feelings.</p><p>Sirius held up a single finger. “Wormtail got one scratch, because he was in Moony’s way. Prongs and I were perfectly fine with keeping you under control.”</p><p>He shared a look with James.</p><p>“Fuck,” Remus sighed. “Fine. I’ll get you to tell me sooner or later.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>:D</p><p>thanks for reading! I know (I know) how sporadic I’m being, pls I’m sorry T-T</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>fight! fight! bubble apocalypse!</p><p>or, Sirius finally says the stuff he’s been bottling up since this whole thing started, and Remus does a bit of yelling too. So, uh, arguments. And bubbles. </p><p>...you know what, just read it.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>:)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>James and Peter left Remus in the hospital wing with Sirius to make their way to the morning classes that they hadn’t yet managed to miss. Remus tried to tell Sirius to go with them, but he insisted on staying, if only to keep Remus company and, he’d reasoned, it wouldn’t be so suspicious for Remus if they <em> both </em>missed classes. </p><p>“You should go, though, you’re on your last chance with Minnie,” Remus insisted. “I’ll be <em> fine, </em>you know.”</p><p>Sirius waved a hand. “Minnie likes me, Moons, I’m her favorite. Besides, you’re always worried people will be suspicious of you missing class, so—”</p><p>“Okay but that’s not the <em>point,” </em>Remus started, but Sirius waved him off.</p><p>“It’s not like anybody’s going to think much of me and you not being there,” Sirius argued, sitting on the edge of the spindly chair by Remus’s bed, planting a hand on the starched white sheets. “They already think that we’re together, so they’ll expect we’ll be, you know, <em>together. </em>Suspicion unfounded.”</p><p>“Mm,” Remus mumbled, looking at the ceiling.</p><p>Sirius’s brow furrowed, but he just nodded. There wasn’t much that could be done with a moody Moony. “I have chocolate if you’d like some, and water? Poppy said you should drink something. And eat. I can bring something from the Great Hall later if you’re hungry, I—”</p><p>“I <em> get </em>it, okay, Sirius? You can stop now!”</p><p>Sirius recoiled. </p><p>Remus sighed sharply and turned his head away, next words muffled by the pillow. “You don’t have to be so...”</p><p>Sirius put his hands in his lap. “I’m just trying to take care of you, Moony.”</p><p>“Oh, because everyone expects that from you too?” Remus asked scathingly. “I’m very well aware what everyone fucking thinks and wants,” he muttered and clenched his jaw, lacking the energy for the argument that he could sense in the tension of Sirius’s shoulders. “I don’t really want company right now.”</p><p>He half expected Sirius to argue, but Sirius just nodded and stood up. “See you later, I guess,” he said quietly, and left, leaving Remus with quick-retreating anger and a hell of a lot of guilt.</p><p><em> Discovery, </em> Remus thought bitterly. <em> This stupid pillow fabric is itchy when you cry on it.  </em></p><p>—</p><p>Remus made his way into the Great Hall for lunch, his aching bones and the wound on his right side protesting. It was sore when it flexed, which was with every breath.</p><p><em> Walk like you can’t feel it, </em>he told himself, as he always did when he braved the scrutiny of crowds just after a particularly painful moon. James, Peter, and Sirius were sitting at their usual spot at the far end of the Gryffindor table. Remus had never particularly cared about where they sat, but now he silently groused about how far away it was. </p><p>Luckily, little attention was paid to him, and he sat down with minimal wincing in the only empty spot, which was, of course, next to Sirius. Sirius muttered a lackluster hello but didn’t say anything else. </p><p>“You okay, Moony?” Peter squinted. </p><p>Remus struggled to keep his face under control. <em> Fucking bruises. </em>“I’m fine. A little sore, is all.”</p><p>Peter nodded doubtfully, but he was pulled back into conversation about Quidditch by James and Remus was left to himself.</p><p>Remus scratched at a divot in the table. “All right, Pads?”</p><p>Sirius looked up. His eyes were slightly red, but he huffed as if to show how perfectly normal that was. <em> “Just fine,” </em>he snipped. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Remus said without preamble, deciding it was better to just get it over with. “I shouldn’t’ve snapped at you. It wasn’t fair and you didn’t deserve it.”</p><p>“It was all the full’s fault, I suppose?” Sirius said through a weary sigh, as if he’d heard all this before which, Remus supposed more than a little guiltily, he had. </p><p>“Seventy-seven percent me, I’d say,” Remus answered conversationally. “Or one hundred, which is statistically more likely.”</p><p>Sirius grunted. </p><p>“Padfoot,” Remus began earnestly, guilt twisting his stomach, “I really <em> am </em>sorry. I’m a dumb little shit, and I say whatever comes into my head and regret it like hell later. I didn’t mean to and it wasn’t t—”</p><p>“Wasn’t true?” Sirius interrupted, abruptly standing up and hitting the table. His silverware rattled against his plate and James started. “Wasn’t <em> true, </em>hm? I don’t believe you, Remus. Shit.” He laughed, devoid of humor. “Look. If you finally get the guts to say something you’ve been thinking for who knows how long, don’t try and take it back because what happened after didn’t satisfy you. Fucking own it.”</p><p>Remus stared hard at the table. His voice caught like skin on a splinter. “Sirius—”</p><p>“No.” Sirius cut him off. <em>“Stop</em> it. Stop saying my name like <em>I’m </em>the one doing everything wrong.”</p><p>“Sirius,” Remus whispered, “Sirius, <em> everyone </em>is looking.”</p><p><em>“Is that all you fucking care about?” </em>Sirius shouted. “Merlin, and here I thought— it doesn’t matter, fuck, <em>Remus.</em> I’m <em>ever </em>so sorry for bringing attention to you.”</p><p>Remus’s vision swam, but it was clear enough to see Sirius toss his hair and stride off down the hall, head held high and radiating animosity, ignoring the whispers and stares that were being tossed around after him. </p><p>“Ooh, Lupin, looks like a lovers’ quarrel!”</p><p>Remus couldn’t put a name to the voice. It didn’t matter. Nothing <em> mattered.  </em></p><p>He’d fucked up. He’d fucked up. </p><p>“Wait!” Remus threw his bag over his shoulder and scrambled away from the table, eyes on the stiff line of Sirius’s shoulders and the back of his head. “Sirius!”</p><p>Sirius didn’t turn or slow and Remus cursed desperately under his breath, his lungs protesting, but he chased Sirius out of the Great Hall and into an abandoned corridor. </p><p>When he rounded the corner, glass in his lungs, Sirius was standing facing away from Remus, one hand on the wall.</p><p>Remus stopped. “Sirius?”</p><p>“What do you want now?” Sirius said roughly.</p><p>Remus swallowed. “Please can we talk? I think an apology is in order and—”</p><p>“I’m not going to apologize to you!”</p><p>“I meant <em>me!” </em>Remus shouted. “Fuck, of course I meant me!”</p><p>“You think this was the first time you did that?” Sirius demanded. “You think I don’t remember you pushing me away all the times in public when some switch in your brain was flipped and you thought <em>okay Sirius, that’s enough, get the fuck away from me</em> and okay, that’s fine, I’m going to respect your limit, but when you go hot and cold and hot again, it gives me whiplash and maybe it’d just be easier for you to tell me exactly what the fuck you want, and not leave me trying to figure out what it is I keep doing wrong?”</p><p>“You’ve never done anything wrong,” Remus whispered, rerunning Sirius’s words through his head.</p><p>“As if that’s fucking true!” Sirius laughed disbelievingly and wheeled around, as if looking for someone to share his incredulity with. </p><p>“I’m <em>sorry—”</em></p><p>Sirius shook his head sharply, grey eyes glittering. “Sorry stopped being good enough a while ago, Remus.”</p><p>Maybe it had. Maybe Sirius was right, but Remus didn’t have anything else to say. He could repeat <em>I’m sorry </em>until his voice was a rasp, but if Sirius didn’t believe it now, he wouldn’t believe it then. He was stubborn like that.</p><p>So Remus  said something else.</p><p>“Maybe we should stop,” Remus whispered. “Maybe that’s all we can do now.”</p><p>
  <em>I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked it all up.</em>
</p><p>“Stop what? I thought we had two weeks left!” Sirius stepped back. “Are you just calling it all off because one thing happened, is that it? Fuck, I shouldn’t be surprised.”</p><p>“No! I’m not!” Remus threw his hands up. “Well, actually, I...”</p><p>Sirius was openmouthed. “Oh Merlin, you do. You’re calling it off. What the fuck.”</p><p>“Obviously I didn’t think it through!” Remus threw back, tangling his fingers in his hair and pulling. “Obviously I didn’t consider it could affect things so much, go so wrong, I didn’t think it could get this bad!”</p><p>Sirius covered his face. “Okay, fuck. What <em>did </em>go wrong? To me it was all fine, and then the whole <em>kiss </em>thing that I know fucked stuff up<em>, </em>and now you seem to have figured everything out and I’m still ten steps behind and I’m tired of it—”</p><p>“I don’t know what went wrong, only that the whole thing was wrong!” Remus shouted and Sirius fell silent.</p><p>Remus couldn’t take a breath fast enough, hastening to get the words out of his head and into the air and <em>gone. </em>“I don’t mean the dating thing, I mean— look, you’ve been so great about it, and public, and telling everyone how much you like me and doing things for me when we’re alone, but we’re <em>friends </em>I thought, and everything that you’re doing, I like it, but— it’s not necessary and it’s <em>ruined </em>me and I’ve hurt you because of it!”</p><p>Sirius looked like Remus had smacked him. Remus’s chest constricted. </p><p>Stiffly, Sirius said, “You fucking agreed to this, wanted this, and now you— what even <em> do </em>you want? At least tell me so I don’t keep making a fool of myself, as you seem to think.”</p><p>Remus deflated. “I never said that.”</p><p>“It was implied.”</p><p>Sirius’s shoulders were tight, and his face was closed off, his words flat and emotionless. It was a defense tactic, Remus recognized, that he saw whenever Sirius spotted Regulus around the castle. </p><p>His heart hurt, it <em> ached, </em> to know that he was the cause of Sirius using the stone mask that Remus was so good at dismantling. How had he let them change so much? Over something so <em>stupid </em>as a false relationship? He should have fake-dated <em>James, </em>that wouldn’t have gotten so skewed.</p><p>While he was deliberating, Sirius let his bag fall from his shoulder and slowly slid down the wall to the floor, pressing the heels of his hands to his temples as he stared unseeingly straight ahead. </p><p>“I just mean going overboard,” Remus finally let out and cringed as soon as the words flew out of his mouth.</p><p>Sirius looked at his hands. “Overboard.”</p><p>Remus would have given anything to take it back, but the words were already out of his mouth and in the air forever. “I didn’t mean it like that.”</p><p>Sirius addressed the empty space in front of him. “Remus,” he sounded out. Remus, not Moony. “I don’t understand.”</p><p>Remus braced himself, rallying his weak defensive arguments. Maybe he could plead being the worst failure to walk the earth, and Sirius might agree enough to understand.</p><p>“You agreed to this. You very clearly said it was a good idea, it was an answer to your problem. You planned it out painstakingly, Remus, you laid down rules.”</p><p><em> I want to break every single one of them, </em>Remus tried to say. His tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth and felt like sandpaper. </p><p>Sirius sounded empty. “I followed the rules because this is on your terms and I tried to do my fucking best to be your boyfriend. Don’t act like you didn’t put the barest amount of effort in and it was always negative. I came up with the cover story and you came up with why we would break up. I answered questions about ‘us’ and you looked at your quill until I thought it would break.” Sirius’s voice was layered with frustration and pain, while his face betrayed no emotion. Passive. Expressionless. </p><p>Remus wanted to draw his arms around himself and fix all the fracturing bits of everything he’d tried so hard not to break. </p><p>Sirius kept talking. “Every damn second of it hurt, Remus, it <em> did.” </em></p><p>Remus vaguely wondered if this was the sort of thing he should be focusing on; but the world was faint around him. </p><p>“I’ve always thought I’d be a good boyfriend,” Sirius’s voice broke. “I only wanted that with you and you don’t want it and I don’t know what to do but I can’t keep doing this.”</p><p>Remus’s throat tightened painfully around an inhale. </p><p>Sirius’s voice changed. “Remus?”</p><p>Remus made a choked sound he didn’t recognize as his and reached blindly for Sirius. <em> I’m sorry, </em> he wanted to say. <em> I’m sorry </em> rested on his tongue, stuck in his chest. <em> I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry. I should have seen it was hurting you, I should have noticed, I’m supposed to know you better than this. </em></p><p>
  <em> I’m better than this, aren’t I? </em>
</p><p>Remus dimly felt arms encircle him, and a voice saying his name, but he shook Sirius off, violently pushing him away. </p><p>Sirius’s words looped in his head, but this time they rang with accusation. His skin prickled, washed with sweat, his head, his whole body stuffed with cotton and weightless.</p><p>Remus couldn’t count the seconds until he could breathe right again, until he could feel every extremity, his fingertips and toes. Sirius was knelt next to him, hovering anxiously, his torment clear on his face. </p><p>Remus blinked at him. </p><p>“Moony,” Sirius breathed. He moved to wrap Remus up in his arms but paused at the last second, eyes uncertain. “Can I hug you?”</p><p>Remus nodded. </p><p>Sirius’s hair smelled sweet and sharp, the scent penetrating the dense fog slowly clearing away from Remus’s head. He remembered. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” he cried suddenly, clutching Sirius, likely too tightly, but Sirius wasn’t complaining and Remus didn’t let go. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t apologize for that, it’s not your fault,” Sirius returned fiercely, his face buried in Remus’s shoulder. </p><p>“Not that,” Remus mumbled thickly. “Everything else. I’m such a— fuck, I’m so sorry.”</p><p>Sirius tensed. “I can’t keep doing this, you know,” he said softly. </p><p>“I know,” Remus said listlessly. “I should have done better in dealing with myself, I shouldn’t have tried to hide from it, I just made <em> everything </em>worse by running away from my emotions.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“I want—”</p><p>“Remus,” Sirius gripped his chin, meeting his eyes with something wild and hopeful in his grey gaze, <em> “What </em>are you trying to say?”</p><p>“I want it to be real!” Remus burst out, his heart a frantic staccato beat. “I want it to be <em> real,” </em> he repeated, dropping his head, leaning into Sirius. “I don’t want a fake relationship, I want it to be real, <em>please.” </em></p><p>“I do too,” Sirius whispered, so softly Remus almost didn’t hear it. </p><p>Remus’s heart swelled until he thought he might explode with it. “Then—”<br/><br/>“Moony! Padfoot!”<br/><br/>Sirius dropped his head to Remus’s shoulder. “What the <em>fuck, </em>James, <em>timing.”</em></p><p>Remus cleared his throat, laughing a little. “Shit.”</p><p>James waved wildly, running down the corridor towards them. He skidded to a stop. “Are you okay? Can I help? What happened? Minnie wouldn’t let me <em>leave.” </em>He bent over, breathing hard. “Shit. We need to practice our slow fuse charms.”</p><p>“We’re fine, Prongs.” Remus furrowed his brow. “Practice our what?”</p><p>“Oh, uh.” James squinted. “You seemed pretty upset.”</p><p>“Yeah, well—” Sirius laughed softly too. “We were. But we resolved it. Prongs—”</p><p>“Overjoyed you’ve resolved it,” James interrupted earnestly, his glassing sliding down his nose and his hair looking like he’d poked an electrical socket, “But that thing about slow fuse charms? Minnie’s nowon the warpath because our smokebombs were actually bubble-bombs and they were meant to go off in three days like you know—” Sirius nodded anxiously, Remus had never been more confused as James kept going. “—But they got set off early and everything is full of magic bubbles that aren’t reacting to neutralization and one kid got zapped when he touched a blue one—”</p><p>Sirius’s eyes widened. “Woah, James. Slow down.”</p><p>James took a huge breath. “Anyway. We have maybe ten seconds to get scarce or we’re dead. You all right, Moony? You look a little red.”</p><p>“Bubble bombs,” Remus said faintly, gripping Sirius’s hand as he helped him get to his feet. Sirius squeezed in thanks.</p><p>“Yes, bubble bombs,” James repeated, his voice edged with desperation. “And she’s <em>not </em>happy, so we need to run, like, right the fuck now!”</p><p>He took off down the corridor, leaving Remus and Sirius to reluctantly abandon their most important conversation, probably ever, and chase him away from a bubble-apocalypse in the Great Hall. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>(:</p><p> </p><p>also I’m sorry for that strange and vaguely uncomfortable simile, if it stood out to you—</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I give you what you deserve for being here. and being literally the best.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I am so so so sorry but I did it and it’s here and I had every intention not to finish but I did</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hey, James?” Sirius said softly. He was sitting on the grass next to his friend, watching the Giant Squid lazily push itself from one end of the lake to the other. </p><p>James cracked open one eye. “I’m feeling benevolent after our narrow escape,” he said regally. “Speak, peasant.”</p><p>Sirius elbowed him in the stomach. “Arsehole. At least you stayed out, not going into the <em> library—” </em> he wrinkled his nose, “Like <em> some </em>individuals.”</p><p>“Moony’s weird like that.” James sighed comfortably. He eyed Sirius suspiciously. “Being your ‘boyfriend’ and all.”</p><p>And that was exactly the topic Sirius had been waiting to broach. </p><p>After they’d been forced to flee the hall, escaping their crimes, Remus had taken Sirius’s hand and squeezed briefly as they ran. Sirius had been so <em> nervous, </em>because something might actually, finally happen, but as soon as they were in the clear it had all crumbled to pieces when Remus couldn’t wait to get away from him, going to the library of all bloody places. </p><p>They’d had a breakthrough! A fucking epiphany! And Remus had <em> run away </em>from it. </p><p>Sirius’s stomach turned. Maybe the whole entire ordeal was like some sort of setup for a cheesy romance set between the two ‘best friends.’ Maybe in the books it always ended with a kiss. Maybe in the books it was always clear it would <em> work out </em>, somehow, because of love. But those two characters weren’t both boys, and they weren’t as tangled and confused as Sirius and Remus seemed to be. </p><p>But Sirius <em> wanted </em>that storybook ending. He wanted the kiss and the bliss that would come after it. And he wanted it with Remus, and if Remus wasn’t such a closed-off arsehole, they could have it. Remus had been so close, Sirius had gotten dizzy from his scent and the warmth of his presence until fucking James like a harbinger of cockblocking had come flying out of nowhere with the aftermath of a prank barking at his heels and Sirius and Remus had lost their moment. </p><p>
  <em>But Sirius Black is no quitter. </em>
</p><p>“That’s nice,” James’s voice came from beside him, vaguely puzzled. </p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“You’re not a quitter. That’s neat, mate, but what does that have to do with anything?”</p><p>Sirius squeezed his eyes shut. When he opened them again, James looked more and more worried about the mental state of his friend. </p><p>Sirius took James’s hand. “Prongs,” he began earnestly, “I love you. And despite the fact that you just read my mind which is a little creepy—”</p><p>“Actually you said it out lo— <em>mmph.”</em></p><p>Sirius kept his hand over James’s mouth. “I’ve decided to finally come clean.”</p><p>James rolled his eyes. “A’out Oony?”</p><p>Sirius paused. He took his hand off James’s mouth. “Sorry, repeat the question.”</p><p>“About Moony?”</p><p>“What— what about Moony?” Sirius faltered. </p><p>James’s eyes lit up. “Ducking finally. Do you know how many times I’m practiced this?”</p><p>“Practiced?” Sirius said incredulously. “Practiced <em>what?”</em></p><p>James plucked up a piece of grass and presented it to Sirius. “Look, Pads. This is you.” He picked another, slightly taller one. “This is Remus. Now—” here he began some sort of pantomime with the blades of grass, and if the bendy top parts were heads then they were probably meant to be snogging. “This is what you and Moony <em> want </em>to be doing.”</p><p>“Prongs—”</p><p>“Shush.” James separated the stalks. “So you and Moony are in spirit two grasses— wizards— in deep deep homosexual love.”</p><p>“Really I don’t think the gay part is rele— <em>fine,</em> I’ll shut up!”</p><p>“Thank you,” James said graciously. “You and Moony. Ahem. Now, because you,” he nodded towards the shorter piece of grass, which was evidently Sirius, “Are bad at feelings, you haven’t told Moony you’re blatantly and deeply in the throes of passion and want to snog his stupid face forevermore.”</p><p>“S’not a stupid face,” Sirius grumbled. He folded his arms. <em> Fuck </em>James for stealing all his thunder and even having a cute little puppet show prepared. Arse. “It’s a cute face.”</p><p>“Mhm,” James continued, ignoring Sirius. “Remus is also bad at feelings, due to repressed shit he probably won’t deal with until he’s twenty-two.”</p><p>“That’s not a great predi—”</p><p><em> “Quiet. </em>Put you two together, both of whom are hopelessly heels over head—”</p><p>“Head over heels you mean—”</p><p>“—With each other, both notoriously shit at feelings, and we get some muddle of fake dating and real dating and Moony pursuing his disastrous hermit-like tendencies in Merlin knows where.”</p><p>“The library,” Sirius said absently. “Jamie, you <em>dickhead.”</em></p><p>He was touched. Ridiculously, for some reason, he was <em>touched </em>that James had turned their stupidity into a mildly factually incorrect story about two star-crossed blades of grass. It was sweet. And stupid.</p><p>“And it was <em>my </em>story to tell,” Sirius scolded, cuffing James round the back of the head. “I was going to dramatically break the news, you git.”</p><p>James giggled as he fended off Sirius’s halfhearted attack. “You’re just jealous you haven’t my flair for the theater.”</p><p>“You take that back!” </p><p>James straightened his glasses, suddenly grave. “You know you should tell him, Padfoot.”</p><p>“Yeah, I <em>did,” </em>Sirius muttered darkly, “Or I was going to before some prick came charging in like a bull and yanked me away from him.”</p><p>“Well,” James said, in an overly patronizing voice that had Sirius rethinking every fond thought he’d ever had about the mangy deer, “Why don’t you go find him? It’s not as if he’s away at war.”</p><p>Sirius needed a moment. He needed a couple moments, actually. </p><p>“Just... Merlin.” Sirius groaned. “I need a second, okay? Fuck.”</p><p>James nodded agreeably, but it didn’t take him three seconds to speak up. He never was any type of patient at all. “I mean...” James let the words dangle in the air. “If I knew that Lily reciprocated my feelings... and she was sitting alone and fit in the library...”</p><p>Sirius covered his face with his hands as James continued.</p><p>“Probably being chatted up by all sorts of birds... and blokes... because she’s— <em>he’s— that </em>fit...”</p><p>“Merlin’s fucking tits, could you be more obvious!” Sirius snapped. He jumped to his feet, glaring down at James, who only crossed his ankles and smiled the smuggest smile ever to exist under the yellow asshole of a sun. </p><p>“You should spend all that energy in snogging instead of being angry with my beautiful visage,” James advised. “Snogging <em>Moony.”</em></p><p>“For Merlin’s sake!” Sirius’s hands went to his hair. He mussed it a couple times, just to make sure it wasn’t flat or sticking up on one side. “I’m going!”</p><p>“Good,” James smiled serenely. “Have fun.”</p><p>“Fuck you,” Sirius muttered under his breath as he stomped away.</p><p>—</p><p>The closer Sirius got to the library, the more he realized he was actually somewhat of an idiot himself.</p><p>A huge, irresponsible, unbelievable idiot.</p><p>He’d let Remus walk away. They’d finally gotten somewhere after yelling and almost-crying and Remus had walked away and Sirius had let him, hadn’t even so much as chased after him like the desperate lovesick puppy that he was.</p><p>Maybe Remus had gotten over him. Maybe he had gone into the library and sat down and realized <em>hey, Sirius Black isn’t shit. Why am I hung up on him? </em>And then maybe he had found a different student and skipped off into the sunset with them. </p><p>What kind of friend <em>was </em>Sirius? Letting this happen? </p><p>Sirius pushed open the double doors to the library. The musty smell of old books, one Remus carried around with him like James carried his Seeker status, was oddly sweet as it enveloped him and he found himself inhaling.</p><p>Because <em>Remus. </em>The library smelled like <em>Remus.</em> </p><p>Sirius kept up the pretense of casting his gaze about the scattered students studying or dozing at the tables and in between shelves. He was just procrastinating, wasting time because he knew <em>exactly</em> where Remus was. </p><p>Mucking about wasn’t going to delay whatever happened, be it rejection or the finale of the play. Sirius sucked it up, adjusted his hair one more time so that it was artfully falling over his forehead but not weirdly flopped over his shoulder, and headed towards Remus’s reading nook.</p><p>He’d discovered the little cubby in the wall halfway through fourth year. It was lined with soft pillows and was tucked away behind a seldom-used bookcase, but through the tomes the view out the window was spectacular, especially in winter. Remus loved it, and spent so much time in there that he’d added a secret stash of his favorite chocolate for longer reading or studying sessions. Sirius had snuck in to set up discreet, faint Repelling charms that would keep anyone but a particularly determined individual (excluding Remus, of course) away from Moony’s nook.</p><p>Sure enough, Remus was curled up like a cat in the hole in the wall. Sirius stood awkwardly in front of it, dust motes from the undisturbed-for-years books around them. He coughed. </p><p>Remus looked up. </p><p>He didn’t betray his surprise, except for a small flutter of the eyelashes.</p><p>“Hi, Padfoot,” Remus said calmly. He shifted to make space for Sirius in the book nook as if he’d been waiting for Sirius to fill the gap that was just the right shape for him to squeeze in next to his Moony.</p><p>Sirius stared. They would be so close if he got in. Pressed up against each other, fuck, he’d probably be able to hear Remus’s <em>heartbeat.</em> Sirius clambered in without another thought.</p><p>“Hey, Moony,” he breathed.</p><p>Remus made a small affectionate sound in the back of his throat.</p><p>He went back to reading. </p><p>Sirius blinked at that, but Remus didn’t offer anything else. Sirius did some staring at the wall. Why wasn’t Remus <em>saying </em>anything? Was he perfectly content to pretend, what, nothing had changed? <em>Were</em> they unchanged? They couldn’t be. Sirius had been banking on that slip up, the reveal of emotion.</p><p>Sirius studied Remus’s profile in the murky light, as if it would yield all the answers. While the faint gold light filtering through the air made his eyes look like honey, it didn’t reveal any secrets. Though it was aesthetically attractive as <em>fuck, </em>and— Remus really was a work of art, wasn't he? He was all the curve of his jaw, pale freckles, ridiculously long eyelashes, soft hair, oversized jumpers with the stretched necklines revealing the pale expanse of his collarbone. And he was a bloody enigma, sometimes.</p><p>“So did you mean it?” Sirius said abruptly, half to say it and half to just break the silence.</p><p>Remus raised his eyes. “Mean what?” He asked quizzically.</p><p>Sirius almost growled. “You bloody well know what. Please, Moony,” he begged, his voice dropping to an imploring note, “You can’t just— ignore it and hide in the library.”</p><p>Remus raised one botched eyebrow. “You found me, didn’t you?”</p><p>“Well—” Sirius melted. “Of course I did.”</p><p>Remus’s fingers, dry and warm, found his own. He wore a small, pleased, shy sort of smile. “You did. I was waiting for you, sort of. I’m glad you came.”</p><p>“It was mostly James that forced me to stop waffling and do it,” Sirius admitted in an undertone. “He knew. Had bloody grass examples and everything.” He stole a look at Remus. There was a small smile twitching his lips. “Did you— did you know that grass have very complicated love lives?”</p><p>At the word ‘love’ Remus’s amber eyes flickered up to meet Sirius’s, but all he said was “Do they?” in the airiest voice Sirius had ever heard. </p><p>Sirius cracked. “Yeah, they do, and I’m fucking jealous, Moony, I’m so— I want— I don’t know how to <em>say </em>it.”</p><p>“You could,” Remus suggested, looking like he was trying his very hardest not to smile, “Not talk.”</p><p>“Not talk?” Sirius furrowed his brows.</p><p>“Yeah.” Remus regarded him and spoke falteringly. “You could just kiss me instead.”</p><p>Sirius didn’t take a single second of weighing prospects. He surged forward, knocking Remus’s book to the floor, and pulled Remus to him. Remus was already going eagerly, his mouth meeting Sirius’s, lips warm and slightly chapped but it didn’t put Sirius off one bit. He was <em>Remus fucking Lupin </em>and he was perfect, and Sirius could finally <em>kiss him, </em>kiss him as much as he fucking wanted and he never, ever wanted this to stop.</p><p>Neither of them were willing to break apart, taking little gasps of air before going back to kissing as if starved, ravenous. Sirius settled himself into Remus’s lap without separating their lips, desperately grateful for the diminutive size of the nook when it meant he could be so close to Remus, holding his jaw and delivering soft fluttery kisses all over his face until Remus, laughing, pulled him back to his mouth.</p><p>“Want to date for real, then?” Remus gasped on one breather between bouts of kissing the living daylights out of Sirius, his cheeks glowing pink, his eyes bright.</p><p>Sirius smiled dazedly. “Yeah, please,” he breathed, and Remus enveloped him again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>and... it’s over! my first attempt at a multi-chapter fic that probably kind of failed, but I learned from my mistakes (sort of) and will now write the whole goddamn thing before publishing.</p><p>I was going to go over and edit it again before posting, but I can do that later if I really need to. I just wanted to post it!!!! I love you!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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